Underwear is one of the most common starting points for desire between men, and it rarely gets discussed seriously. A pair of briefs on a bedroom floor, the waistband of a jockstrap showing above a pair of shorts, a gym bag with something worn inside it: these things can switch attention on fast. If that sounds familiar, you are in a very large group of people.
This guide covers the underwear fetish among gay men as a whole, not just one garment. It looks at jockstraps, briefs, boxer briefs and the fabrics they are made from, and at why fit, texture and association become erotic. It also covers how to talk about it with a partner and how to choose pieces that suit the body you have now, at 30, 40, 50 and beyond.
Why a piece of fabric can turn you on, and why that’s completely normal
Desire attaches to things near the body. Underwear sits against the parts of you that are most sensitive and most charged, and it covers the parts of other men that you most want to see. A garment that sits that close to sex picks up sexual meaning easily.
Sexual interest often builds through association. If something is present repeatedly while you feel attraction, excitement or anticipation, your brain links the two. Over time the object can produce some of that response by itself. Many people explain fetishes this way, and it fits how underwear works: it is there when you undress, when you get dressed, when you see someone you fancy at the gym, and when you are getting close to someone in bed.
Underwear also frames the body. A pair of briefs draws the eye to the hips and the bulge. A jockstrap leaves the backside bare and shows the shape of the legs. The garment is a visual cue, a physical sensation and a symbol all at once, which gives it three ways to become erotic.
An interest in underwear is common and harmless when it involves consenting adults. It does not mean something is wrong with you, and it does not say anything bad about your masculinity or your maturity. Plenty of men find that a good pair of underwear improves how they feel in their own skin, and that is a perfectly good reason to enjoy it.
The big three: jockstraps, briefs and boxer briefs, and what each one does for the body
Each style does something different physically and visually, which is why men often have a clear favourite.
Jockstraps
A jockstrap has a pouch at the front, a waistband, and two straps across the lower back in place of fabric over the backside. It was designed to support the groin during sport, and that function explains much of its appeal. It lifts and holds the package forward, and it leaves the glutes completely visible.
The look is direct. The wearer is covered where he is most private and exposed everywhere else. Many men like how it feels to wear, with a snug pouch and no fabric across the cheeks, and many like how it looks on someone else. If you want more on this one garment, the site has a separate piece, linked at the end of this article.
Briefs
Briefs cover the front and back with a closed seat and a cut that sits on the hip. They give a clean, defined shape and a firm hold. A close-fitting pair outlines the bulge and the curve of the backside without showing skin.
Briefs carry an old-fashioned masculinity for many men, with a neat, athletic or classic look. The fabric hugging the thighs and hips is part of what makes them work. Because they cover the body, they suit men who like suggestion more than exposure.
Boxer briefs
Boxer briefs combine a brief’s close fit with a longer leg, usually reaching part way down the thigh. They hold the body in place, which many men find comfortable for a full day. They also show off the thighs, and the longer leg keeps the fabric from riding up.
For a lot of men they are the everyday choice, and an underwear fetish can start with something that ordinary. A well-fitting pair on a muscular thigh, or on a partner standing in a kitchen first thing in the morning, can be very attractive precisely because it is so unforced.
Texture, stretch and fit: why cotton, mesh and elastic feel so different against the skin
Touch is half of the experience, and each fabric gives a different sensation.
- Cotton is soft and breathable and feels familiar. It absorbs moisture, so it tends to feel natural and warm. Many men associate it with comfort and with everyday masculine clothing.
- Mesh is open and light. It lets air through and shows skin through the weave. It can feel cool and slightly textured, and it looks revealing without removing anything.
- Elastic and stretch blends hold the body firmly. They have a snap to them, and the waistband pressing into the hip is a sensation you notice all day.
- Smooth synthetics can feel slick and light against the skin and are often found in sportswear. Some men enjoy the sheen and the way they move with the body.
- Cotton blends with elastane combine softness with a close fit, which is why they are so widely used in boxer briefs.
Fit matters as much as fabric. A waistband that is too loose looks and feels sloppy. One that is too tight digs in and distracts you. The best fit sits flat against the body, stays in place when you move, and supports without squeezing. When a pair fits properly you stop thinking about it, until you want to think about it.
Part of what makes fabric erotic is contrast. Rough hands on soft cotton, a stretchy waistband being pulled down, warm skin under cool mesh: sensation changes at the edge of the garment, and the nervous system pays attention to changes. If you are not sure what you like, try different fabrics on their own, then with a partner, and notice what you respond to.
Sport, locker rooms and masculine imagery: where the association comes from
Much of the underwear fetish among gay men links back to sport. Jockstraps and athletic briefs come from team locker rooms, gyms, swimming pools and changing rooms, places where men undress around each other as a routine matter. For many gay men those spaces were charged long before they had words for it.
Imagery adds to this. Underwear has been used for decades to sell an idea of the strong, capable male body: an athlete in a white brief, a rugby player pulling on a kit, a builder with a waistband showing above his jeans. These pictures link the garment to strength, competence and physical confidence, which are qualities many men find attractive and some want to feel in themselves.
There is also a simple reason that has nothing to do with imagery. Locker rooms are a place where you see men partly undressed, so underwear is the last layer between you and the thing you are interested in. Anticipation attaches to that layer.
If gym changing rooms are a loaded space for you, the site covers how to handle desire in shared spaces like the gym locker room, including how to stay respectful and comfortable around other men.
Connecting underwear to masculine imagery does not mean you have to perform masculinity, and it does not make the interest less valid if your own life was never very sporty. The association exists in the culture, and your brain picks it up whether or not you played a team sport.
Worn-in, sweaty and lived-in: how underwear fetishes connect to scent and touch
For some men the appeal of underwear grows when it has been worn. Worn fabric carries body warmth, the shape of the wearer and his scent. It is a physical trace of a person, which is why a partner’s underwear on the floor can be more interesting to some men than a new pair in a packet.
Scent is a large part of this. Smell is closely tied to memory and arousal, and many gay men find natural male scent attractive. Sweat on cotton or a worn jockstrap after a workout brings that scent into close contact. If this is part of your interest, you may also like our piece on why raw, natural scent turns gay men on after a workout.
Touch is part of it too. Worn-in elastic is softer and moulded to a body. Cotton that has been washed many times feels different from new fabric. Some men enjoy handling, smelling or wearing a partner’s used underwear because it feels intimate and personal, and it makes the other person present when he is not in the room.
A few practical points keep this enjoyable and safe:
- Agree on it first. Using someone’s worn underwear without asking is a boundary problem, however mild it seems.
- Wash anything that goes near broken skin or sensitive areas. Worn fabric holds bacteria, and washing is a sensible precaution when a pair is shared or used in sex.
- Keep your own comfort in mind. Some men like the idea and not the reality, or the reverse. You are allowed to find out.
How to bring up your underwear kink with a partner without it feeling awkward
Raising a kink feels bigger in your head than it is in the room. Most partners are curious, and many are relieved to be told something specific because it gives them a clear way to please you.
Some approaches that tend to go well:
- Choose a relaxed moment. Talking about it just before sex can feel pressured. A quiet evening, a walk or a conversation in bed after sex is easier.
- Start with what you enjoy, not what you want from him. “I really like how you look in that pair” is a simple and flattering way in.
- Say it in plain words. Vague hints leave the other person guessing. A direct sentence such as “I find underwear really sexy, and I’d like to include it more” is easier to respond to.
- Offer something small to try. Suggest a particular pair, a shopping trip, or wearing a jockstrap for an evening. A small step is easier to agree to than a big concept.
- Ask what turns him on. The conversation works best when both of you share. He may have an interest of his own, and you will learn something about each other.
If he is not interested, or only mildly, take it calmly. A no to one idea is not a rejection of you. You can ask what he would be comfortable with, and you can agree on a middle path, such as wearing a particular pair on certain occasions. If one of you wants this much more than the other, that is worth discussing openly, and our piece on mismatched libido in a gay couple offers a way to approach it.
If you are single, the same honesty helps when dating. You do not need to disclose a preference on a first date, but you can mention it once you trust the person and the conversation turns to what you enjoy.
Choosing underwear that suits your body at 30, 40, 50 and beyond
The best underwear is the pair that fits you now. Bodies change with age, training, weight and health, and your preferences may change with them. Here is a practical way to think about each decade, remembering that every man is different.
In your 30s
Many men are still working out what they like, so this is a good time to experiment. Buy one of each style and compare how they feel through a day and during sex. Pay attention to waistband width, leg length and pouch shape, because small differences change comfort noticeably.
In your 40s
Comfort often moves up the list. Many men prefer fabrics that breathe, waistbands that do not dig in and legs that do not ride up. If your waist has changed, a wider waistband spreads pressure more evenly, and boxer briefs or a mid-rise brief can sit more comfortably than a low cut.
In your 50s and beyond
Support and softness usually matter most. A soft cotton blend, a pouch with room and a waistband that stays put all help. Sexual response changes with age as well, and underwear can be part of keeping things enjoyable. Our guide to gay sex after 50 looks at how pleasure shifts and how to adapt.
Sizing tips for any age
- Measure your waist and hips and check the brand’s size chart, because sizing differs between makers.
- Choose the size that fits when you are standing and sitting, not just in the mirror.
- Look at the fabric composition label. A blend with some elastane keeps its shape better than 100 percent cotton.
- If a pair rolls, digs or slips, it is the wrong size or cut, not a problem with your body.
Raysurrection earns through affiliate links, so any underwear pick linked on this site is an affiliate link, and we may earn a commission if you buy through it. That never changes what we say about fit and fabric. The sizing and fabric advice above applies to any brand you choose.
When a preference is simply a turn-on and when to check in with yourself
For most men an underwear fetish is a pleasant part of their sexuality. It adds variety, it feels good, and it can bring you closer to a partner. If it is a preference you enjoy and it causes no harm, you do not need to examine it further.
A few questions are worth asking if you are unsure:
- Does it feel like a choice? You enjoy it, and you can also enjoy sex without it.
- Does it fit with your commitments? It is not damaging your relationship, your work or your finances.
- Do you feel good afterwards? A flat or ashamed feeling after sex is worth listening to, whatever the cause.
- Does it stay within consent? Everyone involved knows and agrees.
If you feel shame about the interest, that is often older than the interest itself. Many gay men grew up hearing that desire was something to hide, and the feeling can stay long after the belief has gone. Our piece on untangling old messages about desire is a good place to start if that sounds like you.
If the interest starts to feel compulsive, you are spending more time or money on it than you want to, or you cannot stop even when you try, that is worth taking seriously. Our guide on telling strong desire from compulsion can help you sort out which one you are dealing with, and a therapist who works with sexuality can help further. Needing support does not make your desire wrong.
A clear picture of what you like, and why, makes it easier to enjoy and easier to share. Underwear is a simple, physical, widely shared way into desire, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about in finding it attractive.
Keep reading and browse the picks
If you want to go deeper on one garment, read Why So Many Gay Men Love Jockstraps. If scent and worn-in fabric caught your attention, the piece on post-workout sweat and sex appeal covers that side in detail.
You can also browse the underwear picks linked on Raysurrection. Those links are affiliate links, which means the site may earn a commission if you buy through them. Choose what fits your body and your taste, and enjoy it.