I’ve been a part of the gay community for years, and I know that even with lots of experience, things can go wrong in the bedroom. The truth is, some sexual moves don’t just kill the mood—they can make your partner uncomfortable, upset, or even unsafe. I’ve learned that respect, communication, and paying attention to your partner are really important for good sex, no matter who you are.

Through honest talks with friends and my own personal experiences, I’ve noticed we all run into a few classic mistakes at some point. Whether you’re hooking up with someone new or you’re with a longtime partner, knowing what not to do in bed can help make sure both people have a better and more comfortable time. Plus, being aware of each other’s feelings and honoring boundaries is truly key for an awesome time together.

This guide covers the 10 worst sexual moves any gay man can make to another man. I’m sharing everything you should avoid, and why, so you can create a more enjoyable and respectful experience for both of you. I also explain basic dos and don’ts, offering my own perspective on what actually matters. From rookie slip-ups to common habits we’ve all seen, let’s jump into these mistakes and figure out how to keep things positive in the bedroom.

1. Sudden Penetration Without Warning

Surprising someone with penetration before they’re ready is a huge mistake. Even if things have gotten hot and heavy, moving straight to anal without talking about it or at least a gesture for consent can hurt both physically and emotionally. From my experience and from hearing friends’ stories, this is a move that easily crosses boundaries and can ruin any sense of trust.

Why This Matters:

• Anal sex needs physical and mental preparation for comfort and safety.
• Sudden moves can lead to pain, injury, or emotional withdrawal.
• Consent is the foundation of any good sexual experience.

When I’m in bed with someone, I always check in and make sure they’re comfortable before moving forward. This helps both people relax and enjoy the moment. Talking about what each of you wants can be surprisingly sexy and builds a deeper connection.

2. Kissing With a Bad Taste/Smell

One of the biggest mood killers is bad breath or a mouth that tastes unpleasant. I’ve been on both sides—I’ve smelled it, and I’ve worried about it myself. Nothing drops excitement faster than an unexpected taste of stale coffee, cigarettes, or last night’s garlic pasta. Keep in mind that kissing should invite closeness, not pull you away.

How to Avoid This:

• Brush your teeth and tongue thoroughly.
• Use mouthwash and drink plenty of water.
• Chew sugarfree gum if needed before getting intimate.

This seems simple, but I’ve learned it’s easy to overlook. Good hygiene shows respect for your partner and helps set the stage for a much better experience. Smelling clean breath, or even a hint of mint, can give a boost to your confidence and set a sweet tone for what follows.

3. Ignoring Lube and Rushing the Process

Skipping lube or not taking the time to prepare a partner before anal can be painful and at worst, damaging. Some guys still think it’s okay to go "au naturel," but from everything I know, proper lube is essential for comfort, pleasure, and safety. Not only can it reduce friction and lower the risk of tearing, it also shows you care about your partner’s comfort.

Essential Tips:

• Always have lube ready, and apply more than you think you need.
• Go slow, especially at the start.
• Check in regularly to make sure your partner is doing okay.

When I use lube and take my time, the entire mood stays positive and relaxed. Rushing rarely leads to good results, and remembering to use enough and often gives both people a better time. Also, if you’re allergic to certain types, keeping waterbased or silicone options handy can make things smoother (literally).

4. Suffocating Your Man (Literally or Figuratively)

Getting too intense with face-sitting, deepthroating, or other acts where breathing is restricted can become scary fast. I’ve had moments where I wanted to say stop but it was tough to speak up in the heat of the moment. Nobody wants to feel smothered or like they can’t get air, even when things are passionate.

Ways to Prevent This:

• Agree on a clear stop signal before you start; some people use a tap or pinch.
• Pay attention if your partner tries to move away or seems uncomfortable.
• Take breaks and ask, “Are you okay?” if you’re not sure.

I always appreciate when a guy gives me space to breathe and makes sure I am safe. This mutual care keeps things fun and free of anxiety. If you both feel comfortable, you can push boundaries without going too far, and everyone gets to enjoy themselves.

5. Shouting or Making Too Much Noise With Neighbors Around

Passion is great, but yelling or being super loud when you know others nearby can hear makes for an awkward situation. I’ve had moments where one of us had to shush the other because it was clear someone outside the room could listen in. You don’t want a neighbor knocking at your door or making you feel embarrassed after the fact.

What to Remember:

• If you’re in an apartment, hotel, or shared house, keep the volume down.
• Use music, fans, or background noise to help keep things private.
• Communicate if you feel embarrassed or nervous about being heard.

Staying considerate of your surroundings helps the encounter stay exciting without anxiety about what anyone outside the bedroom might hear. Creating your own world—even in a thinwalled space—makes everything more intimate and less stressful.

6. Completely Ignoring Your Man’s Preferences

I’ve learned the hard way that being too focused on my own pleasure almost always ends in disappointment for both people. This happens if you’re only interested in what you want, without stopping to see how your partner feels or what they’re into. Gay sex should always be about mutual respect and enjoyment; when both people contribute, things get truly nextlevel cool.

What Makes a Difference:

• Ask your partner what feels good and what doesn’t.
• Check in to see if they want to try something else or change positions.
• Look for nonverbal cues that show if they’re enjoying things or not.

Every encounter is different, so staying attentive to your partner can help create a connection that feels good for both of you. Showing genuine interest in their pleasure turns a standard hookup into something special. Plus, it makes both people come back for more!

7. Skipping Communication About Sexual Health

Open and honest talk about sexual health is really important. In my own life, I have found that not talking about things like condoms, PrEP, or STI tests creates anxiety and makes trust difficult. You want to feel confident and relaxed, not worried about what you don’t know.

How to Approach This:

• Share your sexual health info and ask for your partner’s status without judgment.
• Discuss condom use or other barriers upfront if you’re meeting someone new.
• Be clear about your boundaries regarding risks you're comfortable taking.

No one likes these sometimes-awkward talks, but skipping them can lead to real regrets. Honest communication keeps everyone safer and more relaxed. Even if you decide to take certain risks together, it helps when everyone’s on the same page.

8. Being Too Rough Without Warning

I enjoy a bit of roughness sometimes, but only if it’s agreed upon first. Being too forceful with spanking, hairpulling, or even moving positions suddenly without asking can lead to pain, injury, or emotional discomfort. Everyone has different limits, and what’s fun for one person might be a hard no for someone else.

How to Get it Right:

• Ask first if it’s okay to be rough or to try something new.
• Pay attention to your partner’s body language or verbal cues.
• Remember it’s easy to lose track in the moment; checking in doesn’t ruin the vibe.

Safety and comfort are always more attractive than unwelcome surprises—especially when things heat up fast. A simple question can help avoid any unwanted drama and keep both people in the zone.

9. Neglecting Aftercare

Sex doesn’t end the second the last moan fades out. I’ve noticed that giving aftercare—a cuddle, a drink of water, a simple checkin—makes a huge difference in how both people remember the experience. This gesture is even more important after a more intense session or with a brandnew hookup.

Why Aftercare Helps:

• It helps everyone feel valued and respected.
• It makes difficult or emotional moments easier to talk about.
• It can turn a hookup into something more memorable for both people.

Even just a hug or small gesture shows your partner you care, not just about the sex but about their feelings too. A few minutes of aftercare can make both people feel safe, wanted, and happy to see each other again and again.

10. Using Your Phone or Getting Distracted Mid-Sex

There’s nothing more frustrating than a partner who stops to check a text or drifts off thinking about something else while you’re still in the moment. I’ve been with people who lose focus, and it always breaks the connection fast. Nobody likes to feel as though they’re competing with technology or outside stress.

Best Practices:

• Silence or put away your phone before things get started.
• Be present and focus on your partner and the experience.
• If something is bothering you and you can’t focus, talk about it instead of faking interest.

Your partner will feel more wanted and cared for if you’re there both physically and mentally. Staying in the moment helps you both have the kind of fun that makes you want to see each other again.

Respect and Good Sex Go Hand in Hand

My experiences, and those of my friends, have taught me that what makes gay sex enjoyable is letting trust and respect guide the whole experience. Avoiding these ten bad moves keeps things safe, healthy, and more exciting. No one has perfect sex every time. Still, showing you genuinely care about your partner’s feelings and comfort makes sure you both walk away happy. Staying honest, caring, and attentive lets both people make the most of every encounter.

If you’ve got your own stories, questions, or advice about what to avoid in the bedroom, I’d love to hear from you. Remember, good sex is always better when both people feel safe, respected, and fully involved. Here’s to keeping it real, respectful, and fun for everyone.