I know what you're going to say; not all gay men choose to live a life of a thousand one-night stands or numerous short-term relationships. So I said "Some gay men". Well, some men, but we know a man-to-man hookup is so much easier than other combinations, so I say, gay men.
Yes, sex is good. But how can anyone be so hedonistic forever? Some say hedonism, at its core, revolves around pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain.
Did You Know?
- About 50% of gay men report engaging in some form of non-monogamy during their life.
- Approximately 20% of gay men are currently in an open relationship.
- Around 30% of gay men in non-monogamous relationships say it satisfies diverse sexual needs.
- Nearly 40% of gay men in open relationships believe it strengthens their primary relationship.
- About 25% of gay men say that non-monogamy helps avoid sexual monotony.
The Psychology Behind Hedonism
Did you know hedonism is not just about pleasure, but it's also about avoiding discomfort?
Our brains are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. It's basic survival. This instinct can translate into chasing moments that make us feel good, so we can avoid situations that could lead to emotional discomfort.
So sleeping around is a hedonistic lifestyle. But a hedonistic lifestyle is not simply having fun. It's a coping mechanism. If you have experienced trauma, rejection, or any form of emotional pain, you turn to pleasure as a way to self-soothe, you see. Of course, this is not unique to gay men or any particular group of people, but when it's associated with your identity, it's often the case.
The Rush of New Experiences
For some, the excitement of new connections outweighs the comfort of a steady relationship. Every new encounter releases dopamine. That makes sense, right? The recurring rush of meeting someone new. Not knowing what kind of sexual technique you can explore with the next guy. It's the brain's feel-good chemical talking.
It's like traveling around the world, perhaps. The day you set off to another country - you feel unsettled and perhaps a little scared, but definitely thrilling. The rush of getting to know new culture and new people. That's the same with the rush of getting to know someone new for sex. The butterflies, the late-night talks, and new sexual techniques that you can offer to him and he can offer to you.
Did You Know?
- Approximately 15% of gay men in non-monogamous relationships experience jealousy.
- Around 45% of non-monogamous gay men practice regular sexual health screenings.
- Nearly 35% of gay men in open relationships discuss and set specific boundaries.
- About 10% of gay men feel societal pressure to maintain monogamy despite personal preferences.
- Around 55% of non-monogamous gay men say clear communication is critical to their relationship structure.
Countering Past Suppression
Some gay men have spent portions of their lives suppressing their identities due to societal or personal pressures. Once they break free from that suppression, they want to make up for the lost time.
It's also about exploring identity. Coming out and accepting your sexuality is a process filled with emotions. Some young gay men feel they missed out on the dating phase during their teenage years. So they want to explore their identity as much as they can. Settling down can wait for a couple of decades.
Who said you have to be monogamous, get married, have children, and have a job for life? "No way, I'll sleep around until I drop."
You see, when you suddenly realize you are free and you can do anything, you want to go as wild as you can to reclaim lost experiences.
We earn a commission if you click any of these links and make a purchase at no additional cost to you.
Selection of Gay Coloring Books For Deep Relaxation
Affirmation of Self-worth
Every positive interaction serves as an affirmation. A positive interaction can be just a word of compliment, but also a more intimate connection. "If he wants my body, then I must be good."
For those who might have struggled with acceptance as they grew up, the fleeting moments boost self-esteem and give them a sense of validation.
Did You Know?
- Approximately 20% have experienced discrimination due to being in a non-monogamous relationship.
- About 40% of gay men report that non-monogamy has led to new friendships and social circles.
- Nearly 25% of gay men in non-monogamous setups report challenges with managing time and attention between partners.
- About 30% believe non-monogamy has improved their understanding and communication skills.
- Around 50% of non-monogamous gay men participate in sexual health education related to their lifestyle.
The Culture
Pop culture glamorizes the single, fun-filled life. Songs, movies, and television can paint a picture where commitment is a buzzkill, and living in the moment is the pinnacle of freedom.
"Who's your favorite celebrity?" "He's openly gay and currently single, apparently."
Such representations can influence your perspective, making the hedonistic lifestyle seem more appealing.
Escaping Emotional Vulnerability
Deep connections often require vulnerability. What I mean is that being open about your fears, dreams, and insecurities with a partner can be daunting, you see? One-night stands are a way to escape this.
You don't talk about your life to the man you're about to have sex with. So you can avoid the potential pain of emotional exposure.
Commitment - Fear or Crave?
We were all single to start with - in terms of romantic relationships. And most of us settle down with a partner, eventually, don't we? When we find the right person and the right time comes.
That's considered "normal", but it all depends on how you grew up.
Some people feel the need for someone to depend upon. So they're desperate, keep meeting new people, and end up having a quickie one after another.
Whereas some people fear getting tied down and losing freedom. They worry they might miss out on other experiences. The fear might stem from past heartbreaks or observing failed relationships in their lives.
Did You Know?
- Approximately 5% of gay men in non-monogamous relationships report feeling societal disapproval.
- About 60% of non-monogamous gay men consider honesty with all partners essential.
- Nearly 35% of gay men say that non-monogamy has helped them deal with their own insecurities.
- Around 40% of gay men in non-monogamous relationships say that trust is the foundation of their relationship.
- About 45% of gay men in open relationships find it liberating to express their sexual desires freely.
Rebelling Social Expectations
Society sets expectations for what a relationship should look like. With the recent acceptance and legalization of same-sex marriage in many countries, some gay men might feel pressured to find a partner and settle down, perhaps.
But why should we? So resisting societal norms can be liberating for some. Choosing not to commit might be their way of challenging these expectations.
The Role of Dating Apps For Gays
We all know that dating services for gays are different from dating services for heterosexuals, don't we? The majority of gay men use dating apps like Grindr for sex, that's the fact. No romantic dinner, no second dinner, no third dinner, no flowers, no jewelry. Just sex.
Sure, many men look for the right person "to spend the rest of their lives with" and end up being crushed. Also, many men use apps to find genuine friends to hang out with. However, the majority of users use apps for sex. When sleeping around is so easy, why shouldn't we take advantage of it?
Self-discovery and Growth
Being single doesn’t mean being alone. Many people find strength, growth, and self-discovery in solitude. They learn to rely on themselves, explore new hobbies, and challenge their boundaries. For some, this path of self-growth is more appealing than the compromises and adjustments that come with a partnership.
Every person's life choices are valid, and everyone has their own reasons. Just as it's okay to seek a lifelong partner, it's equally okay to enjoy a single life. What matters most is that we respect and understand each other’s choices without judgment.
Or not?
Trash that!
