Versatile Gay: Are You Performing Fairly?

The rumor has it that over 90% of gays who claim to be versatile are bottom. The image of being bottom is associated with being submissive, or equivalent to the "woman role" of a heterosexual relationship. Gay men generally don't want themselves to be seen that way, they want to be seen as masculine. If there were totally honest, they'd like to receive pleasure rather than give, but that would be selfish, so they call themselves versatile.

Is that right? If you keep calling yourself versatile, are you being fair to your partners? How do you excel at this form of expression? What do you think takes to become a truly outstanding versatile performer?

What is Versatile Gay?

In case you're not sure what I'm talking about - versatility in germs of gay sexual performance refers to men who engage in both topping (assuming the active role) and bottoming (assuming the receptive role). It's a term that celebrates flexibility and fluidity.

Versatile men are supposed to have an open-minded approach to their intimate encounters. The freedom to explore various roles within their relationships or casual interactions with other men. This ability to switch between positions allows for a more dynamic and fulfilling experience.

Versatility doesn't necessarily mean you equally enjoy both topping and bottoming every time. When two men encounter, they naturally form an idea of each other's role from their appearances or the conversation. The one with a more masculine look, the older one is assumed to be the top, and the cuter one, the younger one, and the camper one is assumed to be the bottom. However, of course, the unexpected is to be expected.

For that reason, being versatile is a beautiful spectrum of experiences waiting to be explored. You wouldn't narrow down the possibilities by saying "I'm top/bottom" as soon as you meet a new partner.

Love Is About Giving and Receiving

Love-making is a two-way street where both partners share and care for each other. We all know that. But often when it comes to casual relationships, people act on their natural instincts (like animals!), focusing only on their own pleasure during those intimate moments.

You don't know them, you never will because you'll never meet them again, so you have the most of what you get. But you know that a great love experience is about giving and receiving equally, making sure that both partners are happy and fulfilled. It's not just about taking what you want but about working together, making small sacrifices, and showing respect to build a strong and loving connection.

Mutual respect - being willing to sacrifice your own goals to please your partner - still exists in a brief encounter.

The "Power Bottom"

"Power bottom" is one of those ridiculous but convenient expressions. "I'm power-bottom."

You're telling them you have the power to please them. Also, you're powerful, so you're not submissive but rather masculine. It sounds better than simply saying "I'm bottom."

However ridiculous it may sound, making your position clear is better than giving your partner an ambiguous signal by saying "I'm versatile (I may try whatever you suggest, but I'm not 100% sure, will see how it goes.)"

The "Strictly Versatile" 

So the term versatile often gets thrown around, but you never know if you (or they) are active-active, passive-active, or passive-passive, i.e. lying on a sofa like a half-dead fish and do nothing but groan. 

Some may lean more towards being "top-leaning versatile" or "bottom-leaning versatile", reflecting their preferences for one role over the other while still being open to exploring different positions.

That's perfectly okay though, as the beauty of sexuality lies in its diversity.

Whereas some guys call themselves "strictly versatile", promising their partners that they're giving both, meaning their partners are assured that they'll enjoy switching between top and bottom roles equally.

Being able to switch between roles has several advantages in terms of sexual exploration and satisfaction. For starters, you have a wider range of experiences and sensations. It also fosters communication and understanding between partners as they navigate their desires together.

If you want to be a good versatile performer, talk openly about what you actually love to do, your boundaries, fantasies - anything that helps create an environment where you feel safe expressing yourself fully without judgment.

Life is too precious not to experiment with different techniques. Switch between dominant and submissive roles to experience a range of sensations. You want to expand your repertoire of moves across all kinds of scenarios and enhance your versatility skills!

What If Your "Versatile" Partner Turns Out To Be a Total Bottom?

Sexual compatibility is indeed a complex issue, and the situation you describe could lead to different reactions. If your partner calls themselves versatile but primarily prefers the bottom position and if that's not what you were expecting, it can be a little bit of a let-down. But it's hard for anyone to communicate openly in the first instance, anyway. You may be willing to explore all kinds, but they may find it hard to talk about their preferences, and you can't change them. 

So in that kind of situation, you as a genuinely versatile gay, might as well take this opportunity to enjoy the dominant position fully then. You're supposed to appreciate both dynamics, you don't have to always enjoy it but it's about not missing the variety of opportunities.

What's Good About Being Versatile, Really?

I've met some 'reserved' guys who are strict top or strict bottom, who apologized to me that they can't do bottom/top respectively as if my pleasure would be halved because of their restricted activity. That's not the case. But from a versatile man's perspective, several aspects that make me think "I'm lucky."

Variety and Exploration

Taking on both roles allows you to explore different aspects of your sexuality and your relationship with your partner. It can be a way to experience new sensations, techniques, or dynamics that might not be present in a more submissive role.

Control and Confidence

The dominant role often involves leading or guiding the experience. This can be empowering and build confidence, as you take charge of the situation and coordinate the activities that you both enjoy. Whereas the submissive role gives the chance to your partner to control. "I'm all yours."

Responsiveness and Connection

Tuning into your partner's responses is the ultimate way of expressing love. The techniques to read their cues and provide pleasure are different depending on your role. The moment you switch, you'll find a different satisfaction in ways that resonate with them.

Emotional Dynamics

Each role has a different type of emotional release or a sense of accomplishment. You can do both ways, meaning you feel more trusted and capable in both roles.

Balance in the Relationship

If you're used to being in a more submissive role, taking on the dominant role from time to time can create a sense of balance and equality in the relationship. Likewise, if you're used to being in a more dominant role.

It can also demonstrate a willingness to adapt and change, keeping the relationship fresh and exciting. You'll understand and respect your partner's boundaries, and this can lead to deeper communication and connection in other aspects of your relationship as well.

Personal Growth

Finally, whether it's developing new skills, understanding each guy's desires better, or building confidence and self-awareness... It can be a valuable part of your overall sexual identity.

Versatile Gay: Are You Performing Fairly? Final Words

In gay relationships, being versatile means you're comfortable with both giving and receiving during sex. You might think of yourself as a versatile top, versatile bottom, or just versatile, and this can lead to new and exciting feelings of pleasure.

Being versatile in bed means you can switch roles, use toys, or even role-play. There are many ways to enjoy being versatile, and it can become a big part of how you experience sex.

Like anything in life, there's good and bad. It's great because you can be flexible with your partner, and this can make you both feel more connected. But you must talk openly about what you both like and any health matters to make sure everyone is happy and safe.

To be good at being versatile, you need to be willing to try new things, talk openly, respect each other's limits, and make sure everyone agrees to what's happening. Being true to yourself and respectful of what others want is key.

In short, being versatile in gay relationships can make sex more fun and interesting. Be respectful, be willing to try new things, and you can have more fulfilling experiences with your partner. So don't be afraid to do anything you'd like to try – you have everything you need to enjoy it!