Ever come across an old instruction manual or guide and think, "Who thought this was a good idea?" Some of the advice people followed decades ago is so bizarre that it feels like a joke now. Let's dive into some of these ridiculous how-to guides from the past that leave you scratching your head.

1. How to Take a Bath the "Proper" Way

You might think taking a bath is straightforward—fill the tub with water, get in, wash up, and get out. But, in the old days, there were some absurdly detailed instructions on how to bathe "properly."

• First, Make a Bathing Schedule: It wasn't just about taking a bath when you felt like it. Some guides suggested a strict bathing schedule, often once a week or even less. Daily bathing? Outrageous!
• The Order of Washing: One guide recommended washing your face, then your feet, and only then could you submerge your whole body. Why? No one knows.
• Water Conservation, the Extreme Way: People were told to reuse bathwater. Yep, the whole family would take turns in the same tub, starting with the father, followed by the mother, and then the kids. Imagine being the last in line.

Reading through these bath-time rituals makes you appreciate modern plumbing and the freedom to bathe whenever and however you want.

2. How to Pick the "Perfect" Wife

Marriage advice from the past is a goldmine of outdated and often offensive ideas, especially when it came to choosing a wife. Some old guides read more like shopping lists than anything related to a relationship.

• Check Her Teeth: One guide actually suggested that a man should inspect a woman’s teeth before proposing, like she was a horse. Good teeth were apparently a sign of good health and, therefore, good breeding material.
• Cooking Skills Are a Must: It wasn’t about love or compatibility. No, the guide emphasized that a woman must be able to cook well. If she couldn't whip up a decent meal, she wasn’t marriage material.
• Assess Her Obedience: Another gem was the advice to ensure that a prospective wife was obedient. If she didn't follow orders or argued too much, she was considered unsuitable for marriage.

These guides give you a glimpse into the weirdly transactional view of marriage in less than half a century ago. Today, we can laugh about how ridiculous these criteria were.

3. How to Cure Hysteria

Back in the day, “hysteria” was a catch-all diagnosis for women showing any sign of emotion, stress, or simply not conforming to societal expectations. The so-called cures were as bizarre as the diagnosis itself.

• Horseback Riding: Some doctors recommended horseback riding as a cure for hysteria. Apparently, a good gallop was supposed to shake the hysteria right out of you.
• A Good "Hysterical Paroxysm": This is a wild one—doctors actually thought inducing a “hysterical paroxysm,” which was a polite way of saying orgasm, would cure hysteria. And yes, doctors would sometimes do this themselves. Totally professional, right?
• Cold Baths and Water Treatments: Another strange suggestion was taking cold baths or using water treatments to calm down. The idea was that the cold would shock the body into "resetting" itself.

These so-called treatments sound more like medieval torture or a strange joke than actual medical advice. It's mind-blowing to think this was once taken seriously.

4. How to Avoid Getting the Plague

During the times when plagues swept through cities, people were desperate for ways to avoid getting sick. Some of the methods suggested were, to put it mildly, odd.

• Carrying Flowers: One popular method was carrying around a bunch of flowers or herbs in front of your face to ward off the "bad air" that was believed to spread the plague. It didn’t work, but at least it made the streets smell nice.
• Avoid Bathing: Believe it or not, some guides suggested that avoiding baths would help protect you from the plague. The thinking was that dirty skin would somehow block the disease from getting in. People really bought into this, leading to some very smelly towns.
• Killing Cats: Cats were often blamed for the spread of the plague, so one "remedy" was to kill as many cats as possible. Unfortunately, this probably made things worse by increasing the rat population, which actually spread the disease.

Looking back, it’s clear that people had no idea how diseases worked, leading to some pretty ridiculous and counterproductive practices.

5. How to Be a Proper Lady

The rules on how to be a “proper lady” were extensive and often absurd. These guides dictated everything from how a woman should sit to how she should speak, turning daily life into a series of strict, outdated rituals.

• Never Show Your Ankles: One of the more ridiculous rules was that a proper lady should never show her ankles. Women were advised to practice walking with long skirts to ensure no skin was exposed, ever.
• Speak in a Soft, High-Pitched Voice: Women were told to speak softly and with a high pitch to seem more feminine. The idea was that a louder or deeper voice was too masculine and unladylike.
• Fainting for Effect: Fainting was almost encouraged. It was seen as a sign of delicate femininity. Some guides even suggested that if a woman felt faint, she should “gracefully” swoon into the arms of a nearby man.

These outdated ideas make it hard to imagine what daily life was like for women under such strict social rules.

6. How to Treat a Common Cold

Catching a cold was just as common in the past as it is today, but the methods people used to treat it were sometimes downright strange.

• Hot Mustard Plasters: One remedy involved slathering a mustard paste on a cloth and placing it on your chest to “draw out” the sickness. It probably just caused a rash and a lot of discomfort.
• Whiskey and Honey: Drinking a mixture of whiskey and honey was a go-to treatment for a cold. While it might have helped people sleep, it did nothing to actually cure the cold.
• Sleeping with Onions: Some old guides suggested sleeping with onions under your pillow or even wearing an onion necklace to ward off colds. Your breath the next day? Probably not so great.

These “cures” are funny now, but they also show how much medical advice has improved over the years.

7. How to Raise the Perfect Child

Parenting advice from the past ranged from quirky to downright ridiculous. Some guides offered bizarre tips that are more likely to raise an eyebrow than raise a perfect child.

• Don’t Hug Your Child Too Much: Parents were advised not to hug or show too much affection to their children, as it was believed this would spoil them and make them weak. The idea was to toughen kids up by keeping them emotionally distant.
• Feed Them Beer: Believe it or not, some guides suggested giving children beer or other alcoholic drinks, thinking it would help with teething or encourage good sleep. Safe to say, this advice would never fly today.
• Put Them Outside, Even in Winter: One of the more extreme ideas was to put babies and toddlers outside for several hours a day, even in winter, to “harden” them. Fresh air was considered a cure-all, regardless of temperature.

Raising kids has never been easy, but some of these old methods seem more like bad jokes than serious advice.

8. How to Impress at a Dinner Party

Entertaining guests was an art form in the past, with hosts expected to follow strict and often ridiculous rules to ensure everything went perfectly.

• Serve Jellied Meat: One bizarre suggestion was to serve jellied meat dishes at fancy dinners. Think meatloaf, but with gelatine - not very nice version of terrine. But it was somehow considered the height of sophistication.
• Use the Right Fork, No Matter What: There were endless rules about which fork to use for each course. Heaven forbid you used the fish fork for your salad!
• Faintly Poison Your Guests: In the old days, it wasn’t uncommon for dishes to be flavored with things like arsenic or lead, both of which were used in cooking utensils or as preservatives. So, in a sense, you might have been poisoning your guests just a little bit, all in the name of culinary perfection.

These ridiculous customs and "rules" show just how seriously people took their dinner parties—and how far we’ve come since then.

9. How to Be a Proper Gentleman

Just as women had strict rules to follow, men also had a set of guidelines that dictated their behavior, many of which seem silly today.

• Always Tip Your Hat: A proper gentleman was expected to tip his hat whenever he encountered a woman, a friend, or even a stranger. The more you tipped your hat, the more gentlemanly you were considered.
• Never Show Emotion: Men were told to never show emotion, as it was seen as a sign of weakness. Even at funerals, maintaining a stoic face was expected.
• Carry a Handkerchief at All Times: This wasn’t just for personal use; a gentleman was expected to offer his handkerchief to a woman in distress or even just to be polite. It was considered unthinkable to be without one.

While these rules might have made sense at the time, they seem over the top now and are more likely to elicit a chuckle than respect.

These old guides remind us that times change, and what was once considered good advice can now seem utterly ridiculous. Whether it was how to bathe, choose a spouse, or raise kids, people followed some pretty strange rules back in the mid-20th century. Looking back at these how-to guides gives us a good laugh and makes us appreciate how much things have evolved.