Learn Tantra For Gay Men

December 15, 2023

Looking to relax, release tension, and connect with your Central Force energy, improve your communication skills, intimacy, and overall well-being? Have you ever thought about giving a tantric exercise a try? And are you a gay man? Then read on.

What Is A Gay Tantra?

Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that originates from India and aims to weave together the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of life. The word "Tantra" itself comes from the Sanskrit language and can be translated as "to weave" or "to expand."

Tantric practices involve rituals, meditation, yoga, and methods that cultivate energy, awareness, and connection. Traditional Tantra doesn't explicitly discuss velocity, but modern interpretations have an emphasis on rumpial energy for spiritual growth, self-awareness, and connection with the divine.

Tantra can be practiced with any consenting partner, regardless of gender. But it involves physical contact. So it's not intended to be a conventional "primal force" performance, it only makes sense if you are a gay man, you want to practice it with another gay man (or a group of gay men.) There are quite a few gay Tantra teachers out there who focus specifically on Tantra for queer men.

Tantra For Gay Men

Why Would I Want To Practice Gay Tantra?

There are reasons for any adult to practice Tantra, but as a gay man, this is how I think it can be applied and understood.

Inclusivity and Sacredness

  • Tantra teaches that everything about oneself is "sacred", including sexuality. So it's healing for gay men who might have faced discrimination, internalized homophobia, or shame about their sexuality.
  • Recognizing your identity as divine is a step toward self-acceptance and love.

Energetics and Connection

  • Tantra believes there's a special kind of energy in our body, called "kundalini."
  • It's about balancing two types of energies: one called "masculine" and the other "feminine." These aren't about being a man or a woman; everyone has both.
  • When gay men practice Tantra, mixing these energies can make them feel really close and connected.

Did You Know?

  • Global Interest: Online searches for Tantra have increased by approximately 15-20% over the past five years.
  • Books and Publications: Over 5,000 books related to Tantra are available globally in various languages.
  • Workshops and Retreats: Around 1,000 workshops and retreats on Tantra are conducted worldwide each year.
  • Tantric Yoga Practitioners: An estimated 10-15% of yoga practitioners in the Western world have tried some form of Tantric yoga.
  • Academic Studies: More than 50 universities worldwide offer courses or have conducted research on aspects of Tantra.

Breathwork and Presence

  • Breathing in specific ways is key in Tantra.
  • When you focus on breathing, it helps you stay in the moment and feel more connected. For gay men, this means they can feel even closer with their partners.

Sacred Sexuality

  • Tantra teaches that your central power is not just physical; it's a special, almost magical act.
  • For gay men, this means understanding the central power in a way that focuses on feeling close and caring for each other, not just on physical actions or what society thinks.


  • Sometimes, gay men can feel alone, especially if people around them aren't accepting.
  • Tantra has group activities and events where people come together, making it a place where gay men can find friends and feel they belong.


  • Tantra can be tricky because a lot of its old teachings are based on relationships between men and women.
  • Gay men might have to tweak or change some of these teachings to make them work for them. It can be quite mind-boggling.

Understanding Energy

  • What is it?: Think of energy as the buzz/vibration you sometimes feel in your body, especially when you're excited or emotional. In Tantra, there's a belief that everyone has a special kind of energy called "kundalini."
  • How to feel it: Sit quietly for a while. Breathe in and out slowly. Try to feel any tingling, warmth, or movement inside you. This feeling is your body's energy.

Balancing Energies

Tantra talks about two main types of energies: masculine and feminine. But this isn't about being a man or a woman. These are just names for different kinds of energy everyone has.

When you feel strong, confident, or protective, that's your masculine energy. When you feel nurturing, intuitive, or receptive, that's your feminine energy. The goal is not to pick one over the other but to let both energies work together.

Gay Tantra Steps To Take

Gay Tantra Steps To Take

If you want to practice Tantra with someone else, find a partner who's also interested in learning and growing. This could be a romantic partner or a close friend. Trust is very important here.

Step 1: Set the Mood

  • Find a quiet, private space.
  • Dim the lights or use candles to create a calming atmosphere.
  • Play soft, soothing music in the background.

Step 2. Breathing Together

Breathing in special ways can help you feel more connected to yourself and others. It also helps you stay focused on the present moment.

  • Sit face-to-face with your partner, cross-legged.
  • Look into each other's eyes without staring.
  • Start breathing slowly. Try to match your partner's breathing rhythm.
  • Take a deep breath through your nose, letting your belly expand.
  • Then, breathe out through your mouth, letting your belly go in.
  • Repeat this a few times, and try to only think about your breath while doing it.

Did You Know?

  • Cultural Heritage: In India, there are over 30 known ancient Tantric temples, some dating back to the 6th century.
  • Tantra in the West: Interest in Tantra in Western countries began to grow significantly in the 1960s and 1970s.
  • Tantra Festivals: Globally, there are more than 20 major festivals dedicated to Tantra annually.
  • Gender Distribution: Approximately 60% of participants in Tantric workshops are women.
  • Online Communities: There are over 100 online communities dedicated to Tantra, with members ranging from a few hundred to several thousand.

Step 3. Body Awareness

  • Sit or lie down comfortably.
  • Close your eyes and focus on how each part of your body feels, from your toes to your head.
  • Notice any tension and try to relax those areas.

Step 4. Synchronized Touching

In Tantra, "sacred" means seeing something as very special and meaningful. When we say central force is sacred, we mean it's more than just a physical act. It's about connection and respect.

  • Begin by touching your own heart with one hand.
  • With the other hand, touch your partner in the same spot.
  • Slowly explore each other's bodies, matching each other's movements.

Step 5. Eye Gazing

Breathe in and out with your partner together without speaking to each other. This exercise helps build a strong bond between you two.

  • Sit across from your partner.
  • Look into each other's eyes.
  • Try not to talk, just feel the connection.

Step 6. Massage

Instead of thinking about Central Force as just an act or performance, think of it as a chance to feel close and connected to another man.

  • Take turns giving each other a full-body massage.
  • Use oil if you like.
  • Focus on making your partner feel good and relaxed.

Step 7. Energy Movement

  • Imagine a ball of energy between your hands.
  • Move this imaginary ball from your lower body to the top of your head and back down.
  • Imagine sharing this energy with your partner.

Step 8. Intimacy without Goal

  • Be intimate without aiming for climax.
  • Focus on the connection and the sensations.
  • Enjoy the journey without worrying about the destination.

Step 9. Communication

  • Talk with your partner about what feels good.
  • Share what you liked and what you'd like more of next time.
  • Be open and honest.

Joining a Group

Sometimes, learning with others can be helpful. There are groups where people practice Tantra together. Joining can be a way to make friends and learn from each other.

In a group, you might do exercises, meditate, or discuss experiences. Everyone is there to support and learn, so you can feel safe and accepted.

Do They Climax Eventually?

In other words, do they ejaculate before each session ends?

The answer is yes and no.

Yes, because if you join a group, you're likely to finish off at the end/after the session.

No, because in tantric practice, the climax is not seen as the end goal. Instead, it is seen as a natural part of the journey. The goal is to experience the full range of sensations/emotions. No particular outcome is attached.

Most of us see climax as the ultimate goal of Central Force. But in Tantra, the climax is simply one of many possible experiences. It is not seen as better or worse than any other experience.

When we can let go of our attachment to climax, we can open ourselves up to a deeper and more profound experience of intimacy, you see what I mean? We learn to appreciate the journey, rather than just the destination.

Some people who practice tantra don't reach climax because they are able to experience deep states of connection without it. Spiritual, huh?

Lingam Massage

Lingam Massage

A Lingam massage is part of the tantric practice that focuses on the male genitals. "Lingam" is a Sanskrit word that translates to "wand of light" or "pillar of light" and is used to refer to the penis. The massage is a form of worship - it's to acknowledge the sacredness of the male form.

So the primary purpose is not for central jetting or "release" but rather to channel Central Force energy, promote relaxation, and foster deep emotional and physical healing. To enhance intimacy between partners and build trust.

Did You Know?

  • Mental Health Benefits: Around 25% of people practicing Tantra report improvements in mental health and stress reduction.
  • Incorporation in Therapy: About 10% of holistic therapists in the US and Europe use techniques derived from Tantra in their practice.
  • Tantric Literature: The number of ancient manuscripts on Tantra in Sanskrit and Tibetan languages is estimated to be over 600.
  • Documentaries and Films: More than 50 documentaries and films featuring Tantra have been produced globally.
  • Tantric Art: Over 200 museums around the world house collections of Tantric art.

Lingam Massage Steps

Step 1. Warm-Up

The first few steps (1-3 above) are the same. Set the environment, set yourself in a comfortable position, and do breathing exercises. 

Begin with a full-body massage to relax the muscles and get the energy flowing. The chest, arms, legs, and abdomen.

Step 2. Begin Lingam Massage

  1. Pour a good-quality oil (like coconut or almond oil) over the "Lingam" - in male's case, testicles.
  2. Gently massage the testicles, taking care not to apply too much pressure.
  3. Massage the area above the Lingam, the pubic bone.
  4. Massage the area between the testicles and anus, known as the perineum.
  5. Begin to massage the Lingam with varying pressure and speed. The aim here isn't necessarily arousal, but rather relaxation and channeling energy.

Step3. Channeling Energy

As the massage progresses, the practitioner will notice the recipient's energy levels rising and falling. Deep, synchronized breathing is encouraged throughout to help guide and move this energy around the body.

Step 4. Completing the Massage

If the recipient becomes aroused and there's an ejaculation, that's okay, but remember, the aim isn't orgasm but connection, relaxation, and energy flow. To finish, the practitioner can place their hand over the Lingam, allowing the recipient to feel the warmth and connection.

Step 5. Rest and Reflection

After the massage, it's good practice for the recipient to rest, allowing the energy to settle and giving space for reflection.

Did You Know?

  • Online Courses: There are over 150 online courses available on various aspects of Tantra.
  • Social Media Influence: Social media influencers dedicated to Tantra have a combined following of over 2 million.
  • Tantric Music and Dance: Around 300 music albums and dance performances are inspired by Tantric themes.
  • Demographics: The majority of Western Tantra practitioners are between the ages of 30 and 50.
  • Tantra in Modern Health Practices: Approximately 5% of wellness centers in the US and Europe offer some form of Tantric healing or therapy.

Overcome Challenges and Keep Learning

  • Every journey has bumps: Just like learning anything new, you might face challenges while practicing Tantra. You might feel unsure or even uncomfortable at times.
  • Facing the challenges: When you face a challenge, take a deep breath. Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Give yourself time and be patient. Over time, things will get easier.
  • Stay curious: The world of Tantra is big, and there's always more to learn. Stay curious and open to new experiences.
  • Books and resources: Look for books, videos, or courses on Tantra. These can give you new insights and techniques to try.

My Experience with Tantra as a Single Gay Man

My Experience with Tantra as a Single Gay Man

We all know what it's like to be a single gay man very well, don't we, as we get older? You have the freedom of continuously finding casual partners, while you have plenty of good friends to hang out with instead of being in a long-term relationship.

But you do get lonely at times and the loneliness can affect your mental health over time.

Tantra is good. I joined for pure curiosity, but soon I realized it wasn't about Central Force rituals, but it was about understanding myself through forging a deep connection with other guys. 

My instructor guided me through meditation, helping me visualize my chakras and the energy flowing through them. The sensation was quite electrifying, to be honest. I'm not s spiritual person in nature, but I really felt an immediate connection with the people around me, even though we hadn't really spoken to each other.

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The partnered exercises, where we were paired with another participant - were even better. The "feel and respect the energy" of another person. We were guided to gaze into each other's eyes, synchronize our breathing, and even match our heartbeats. This was an intimate experience, in the sense of raw, emotional connection.

As a gay man, there's societal pressure to fit into a particular mold, hide vulnerabilities, and always present strength. In this Tantra session, we weren't categorized by our zexual orientation, past, or future. We were simply human beings, present in the moment, connecting on a soul level.

By the end of the session, I felt more connected to my true self and realized that there are many ways to seek intimacy beyond the physical realm.

Since that first session, I've continued to explore Tantra. I'm happy to be single because Tantra has shown me that there are countless ways to feel fulfilled. Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should be single! It's just the way I feel. If you are in a relationship, try tantric exercises together and see if they help open your minds even more.

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About the author 

Max Lee

Max Lee is a fitness enthusiast who loves pushing his limits and challenging himself. Despite his dedication to physical fitness, he still retains a laid-back attitude that makes him approachable and easy to talk to. He is passionate about helping others take control of their mental health and reach positive states of mind.

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  1. I misunderstood the "tantra session" invite. I joined naively expecting camaraderie. Dismayed by the unexpected atmosphere, I felt out of place. After two awkward hours, they finished me off so I made an exit while others stayed on. The experience left me confused. I never wanted to have sex with random guys, I only wanted it for a spiritual reason which I got very little.

    1. Thanks for your comment Alex, sorry to hear that the session wasn’t what you’d been looking for. They should have made it clear with you for sure.

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