When Your Husband’s Ditching the Bed

Listen, if your husband’s avoiding sleeping with you - whether it’s dodging the bedroom altogether or just not getting close - it sucks. You’re lying there wondering what the hell’s wrong, and yeah, your mind’s probably gone straight to “he’s banging someone else.” That’s not crazy - it’s a legit worry, and we’re not going to pretend it’s not. But let’s break this down and look at what might be happening, affair included, because you deserve to know what you’re dealing with.

#1 Stress Is Kicking His Arse

Life can be a bastard sometimes. If he’s drowning in work - like pulling all-nighters for some arsehole boss - he might be too knackered to even think about jumping into bed with you. He could still give a shit about you but just doesn’t have the juice to show it.

If he’s been like this for ages, though, and isn’t saying much, you’ve got every right to wonder what else is up.

#2 His Body or Head’s Fucked Up

Health can mess with anyone. Maybe he’s got some physical shit going on - back’s knackered, or he’s feeling like crap and won’t talk about it. Could be mental too - depression or anxiety can kill any desire to get close. 

If he’s acting weird or hiding something, though, that’s when you start raising an eyebrow.

#3 You’re Drifting Apart

Relationships need work, and if you’ve both been off in your own worlds - him scrolling his phone, you knackered from your day - the spark can fizzle. T

ry chucking out a casual “let’s grab a pint and chill” and see if he bites. If he’s not even up for that, it’s a sign something’s off.

#4 Bedroom Mojo’s Gone AWOL

Sometimes the drive just dips. Could be meds, age, or he’s just not feeling it. A chill chat might sort it out - like, “Hey, what’s up with us lately?” - but if he’s dodging it or getting shitty, that’s dodgy as hell.

#5 He Might Be Shagging Someone Else

Let’s not mess about - cheating’s on the table. If he’s locking his phone tighter than Fort Knox, “working late” all the time, or acting like a jumpy twat when you ask about his day, those are red flags. 

New haircut out of nowhere? Suddenly gives a shit about his trainers? Could be covering his tracks - or worse, showing off for someone else. Your gut’s probably screaming, and you shouldn’t ignore it.

Here’s the deal: it might not be just one thing. He could be stressed to shit and screwing around, or knackered and losing interest. Picture this: he’s been “at the office” late every night, but when you ring, no one picks up. Or he’s glued to his phone, smirking at texts, then clams up when you ask who it is. That’s affair territory, no question. But if he’s been knackered and moaning about work, it might just be burnout. Look at the whole messy picture and trust what your instincts are yelling.

Dealing with the Affair Suspicion

So, you’re thinking he might be dipping his wick elsewhere. That’s an awful feeling - anger, fear, all that shit swirling around. Before you rip his head off, though, let’s figure out how to play this smart. You don’t want to blow it all up without knowing what’s what.

• Cool Your Jets First: Don’t storm in guns blazing when you’re raging. Take a breather, jot down what’s bugging you - like, “You’ve been off, and I’m feeling like shit about it. What’s going on?” Keep it about you, not just pointing fingers.
• Spot the Dodgy Patterns: One late night’s no biggie, but if he’s out every bloody week and mumbling vague crap about where he’s been, that’s a pattern. Phone’s the same - if he’s always been private, fine, but if he’s suddenly paranoid about you touching it, that’s suss as festive geese.
• Chat Somewhere Chill: Pick a moment when you’re not both knackered from fighting. Maybe over a beer or a walk, say, “I feel like we’re miles apart lately. What’s up with you?” Watch his face - if he squirms or bullshit starts flowing, that’s a clue.
• Gut’s Good, But Check Yourself: Your instincts are sharp, but they can mess with you too. If he’s acting like a sneaky bastard and you’re on edge, dig deeper. But if he’s just knackered and you’re paranoid, don’t torch the place yet. Match what you feel with what you see.
• Get a Pro If You’re Stuck: If he’s clamming up and you’re going round in circles, a therapist might crack it open. It’s not waving a white flag - it’s calling in the cavalry to sort this shit out.

Say he’s been “at the pub with mates” a lot, but he stinks of perfume when he rolls in. Or his phone’s buzzing non-stop, and he’s shifty as hell about it. Try this: “You’ve been out heaps lately, and it’s making me feel off. Can we talk?” If he shrugs it off or flips out, keep your eyes peeled. But if he spills about needing a break from life’s bullshit, it might be less grim. Either way, you deserve the truth - don’t let him dodge it.

What If It’s Not a Shag-Fest Elsewhere?

Okay, maybe he’s not cheating, but he’s still acting like a distant prick. Let’s look at other shit that might be going on, because it’s not always about some side piece - sometimes it’s just life being a twat.

• He’s Wrestling His Own Shit: If he’s down in the dumps or stressed to fcuk, he might not want to get close. Been quiet? Sleeping like crap? Could be his head’s a mess. Nudge him to chat - doesn’t have to be you, could be a mate or a shrink. If he’s a brick wall, though, that’s tough.
• The Vibe’s Faded: Routine can kill the buzz. If you’re both just existing - work, telly, bed - shit gets stale. Suggest a piss-up or a night out, see if he’s game. If he’s still meh, it’s deeper than boredom.
• He’s Doubting the Whole Deal: Brutal, but he might be wondering if this is it. Feeling stuck or lost can make him pull back. Ask where he’s at with you two - could clear it up or drop a bomb.
• Body’s Letting Him Down: If his dick’s not playing ball or he’s in pain, he might dodge the bed to skip the awkwardness. Suggest a doc visit, but don’t push too hard - he’ll clam up if he’s embarrassed.

Imagine he’s been a grumpy sod lately, brushing you off when you get near. Could be he’s rethinking shit. Or he’s moaning about his knees and crashing on the sofa “for sleep.” Fair enough, but if it’s been weeks and he’s not sorting it, ask why. Go in curious, not agro - “You’ve been on the sofa a lot. Everything alright?” See what he says.

What You Do Next

Affair or not, you’ve got to figure out your move. This isn’t just his shit-show - it’s about what you need too. Here’s how to look after yourself while you sort this mess.

• Draw Your Line: Know what you’ll take and what’s a fuck-off point. If you think he’s cheating and he won’t fess up, say, “I need the truth, or I’m done.” It’s hard, but you’ve got to guard your own sanity.
• Call Your Crew: Spill to a mate or your sister - doesn’t need to be the full gory tale, just “Things are shit with [his name], I need a rant.” Don’t bottle it up - you’re not a bloody superhero.
• Weigh Your Choices: If it’s still crap, think long-term. Therapy might fix it, or maybe a break’s on the cards. It’s not quitting - it’s finding what works.
• Look After Yourself: Do your thing - hit the pub, watch trash TV, whatever keeps you sane. You’re not just his wife; you’re you, and you matter.

Say you’ve talked, he says it’s “just work,” but you’re not buying it. Suggest a weekend away or a few sessions with a pro. If he’s up for it, great. If he’s still a cold fish and you’re miserable, think about what you need to not feel like shit every day. You deserve a bloke who wants you, not one who leaves you guessing.