Middle Aged Men’s Underwear Nightmare

Some men love to buy his underwear, some find it stressful. And others don’t care, buy the cheapest pack of 5, or rely on his missus to get some. Robert is a delivery man, moves around the City every day. Yesterday he turned up in low-rise jeans, showing the top of his crinkly boxer shorts, and he’s in his mid-40’s. Is that allowed!?

I said to him “Eh… Rob, I love your pants. Where did you get that from?” I meant sarcastically, to which he replied “I don’t know, my wife buys those. I know gay men don’t approve boxer shorts, but they’re comfortable. It’s a bit of a fuss when I pee.” He explains that his sagging fashion wasn’t intentional, he prefers airy boxer shorts, and his wife tells him off if he leaves the front buttons unhooked.

Button Fly Underwear

Boxer shorts can be sexy, and of course, gay men wear them too. But his wife buys all his underwear. He asks her to get boxers rather than tight trunks. And she buys ones with a button-fly. When he pees he needs to unhook the buttons of his jeans, unhook the underwear buttons, pees, then he needs to make sure to re-hook the buttons before re-hooking the jeans buttons, otherwise, his wife will tell him off…OK, what a fuss indeed!

Why does she get upset if his boxer buttons are left unhooked? If you leave the buttons undone, your willie will stick out of the hole (I’ve experienced that many times). Is that why Robert’s wife gets upset? At what point does she discover…never mind!

Cartoon boxer shorts

Well, that wasn’t the point. It’s the fact that Robert’s boxers had cartoon comic prints on them. For teenage lads, maybe. Otherwise, novelty cartoon boxer shorts are nothing but stupid, don’t you think?

They have a 3-year old son, so his wife may have bought them for Father’s Day, from the son? “Beer Daddy, Doh!” across the butt, maybe?

Robert says he prefers printed pants because he dribbles pee sometimes. Yeah, that’s right. That’s what happens to “mature men”!

White Pants

White underpants are fresh, elegant, and sexy when worn by supermodels, it’s hard, to keep them clean especially when the sad reality starts to kick in – yes when you start Dribbling Into Middle Age. You have a pee, shake your willie off well, put that away, and 20 seconds later…it dribbles. Why today? Why in my white pants!? So I totally understand that Robert rather wants to wear pants with prints to disguise the yellow stain…kind of.

Comfort and Confidence

While I don’t want to see yellow stains on my pants and I rarely wear white ones, I wouldn’t choose pants with printed patterns or dark colors in order to disguise stains; you might as well wear a nappy! I like to choose pairs that are good quality, a good brand and of course that are comfortable. Good underwear gives me a sense of confidence. It’s not something shown in public, I don’t always remember which pair I’m wearing during the day. But you don’t wear “scaggy” pants underneath well-tailored suit trousers…or do you?

Pants That Stick To My Ass

So, underwear should be comfortable. But I seem to encounter many that stick to my ass… More specifically, the ones that stick into the buttock cleavage. Perhaps that’s not an issue for thong wearers, but personally I often find myself grabbing my bottom and pulling it away while I’m walking. That wouldn’t be a good sight! Even some of the well-known brands have some sticky ass range and that’s a design fault. It’s a problem we can’t normally return underwear to the shop unless there’s damage or fault. Well, it is a fault but what could I say? “These pants are faulty, they stick to my ass”?

Bad Quality Waistband

This is usually with the cheap stuff. But I’ve seen some expensive brand underpants licensed elsewhere and manufactured in China… An inch-thick waistband looks great when you’ve just bought it, but after a few washes, it becomes sad & crinkly.

Good Underwear

I have listed the ones I’ve tried myself and think they’re really good here. I hope you like them too, I’d recommend you to try if you haven’t.

Calvin Klein Intense Power series & Magnetic Force

Calvin Klein has so many designs, almost every design that you can think of, but these classic types with thick waistband with bold writing are always great. 94% Cotton, 6% Elastane. From left to right:

Calvin Klein Men’s Power Red Trunk

Calvin Klein Men’s Intense Power Trunks Blue

Calvin Klein Men’s Intense Power Trunks

The left two are Intense Power Cotton Hip Brief series, and equally great. Available in 6 different colors, 94% Cotton, 6% Elastane.

The one on the right is “Magnetic Force” trunk, 95% Baumwolle, 5% Elastane. The fabric is much softer and lighter. Cool in the summer & warm in winter, fits great but not suffocating. My recommendation.

Emporio Armani

Armani is another one that’s famous for its signature logo on its belt.

Left: Emporio Armani Intimates Men’s Eagle Boxer Shorts, stretch cotton. 95% cotton, 5% Elastane. Available in multiple of colors.

2nd from Left: Emporio Armani Intimates Basic Stretch Briefs. Another favorite of mine, available in white or black.

Two pictures on the right (front & back) are made of 90% Baumwolle, 10% Elastane, with inner material 90% Cotton, 10% Elastane.

Diesel

Diesel has a wide range of underpants but again most of them have its signature logo on the waistband, some are quite a funky color and layout.

Left: Men Umbx-Shawn3Pk-00Sb5I-0Gafn Boxers Pack 3, 95% Cotton, 5% Elastane.

Middle: Hero-Fit Colour Block Boxer Trunk, Navy/Red/Blue, 95% Cotton, 5% Elastane.

Right: Diesel Men’s UMBR-JACK Slip, 57% Cotton, 38% Modal, 5% Elastane.

Dolce & Gabbana

D & G underwear are super-comfortable but I find them usually slightly larger than other brands. Beautiful design and they’re very classy.

Left: Dolce & Gabbana Sport Crest Brando Brief, Black, 90% Cotton 10% Elastane.

Middle: Dolce & Gabbana Pima Stretch Cotton Midi Men’s Brief, Pale Pink, 90% Pima Cotton, 10% Elastane.

Right: Dolce & Gabbana Stretch Cotton Regular Boxer, Narrow Stripe, 95% Cotton, 5% Elastane.