I can’t wear a turtleneck/roll neck jumper. Sure it’s warm – it’s a sweater & scarf in one. Comfortable and easy. It has a certain level of elegance. Jeremy Vine. An art teacher. Andy Warhol, well he’s dead but I can imagine these men in a beige rollneck, sat on a sofa, a cup of tea in one hand, and the other hand doing “triangles” in the air while listening to a classic (eww).
Two types of guys who could look good in a turtle neck, I can think of.
- Jeremy & art teacher type who would just blend in with the femininity elegance of the turtleneck. Tall and slim, of course.
- Those who have a masculine face… José Mourinho, Tinie Tempah….any “sexiest athletes” you could imagine, the more stubble the better, their face would work as a contrast against it.
Now, how come I look like ET Phone Home whenever I wear a roll neck?
It’s a hot water bottle cover. A roll-neck knit jumper doesn’t compliment your body shape. So it highlights your face. And I think it’s the size of my head, not proportionately small enough against my body. My head sits like a giant screw-top on the hot water bottle. Yet you would think it only highlights your face, but this gentle-fit-to-body knit jumper actually highlights your moobs (man-boobs) and love-handles if you have any. If you have a broad shoulder, it makes you look like a horse too.
And why do I always receive a rollneck for Christmas, the time when I’m at my heaviest, and this close to growing moobs? Of course it’s rude not to wear it right away, isn’t it? “Oh wow, it fits me perfectly, I love it!” I would wear it in Christmas evening, and the whole Boxing day.
If I can’t tell which side is front or back without finding the label, then that’s the sign and I tend to avoid wearing it. No big V-zone under my chin (or crew-zone), means my face would really be accentuated, especially when the clothing is plain. And you don’t find many patterned male knit jumpers like what I call “Chiquitita roll-neck“…. Abba used to wear a lot of patterned knitwear and this is Frida wearing a rollneck. And no, I wouldn’t wear this one either.
By the way right now if you are saying “that’s not from Chiquitita, it’s a Super Trouper video!” Then you are….VERY YOUNG. Cool. And hip.
I think I’ve figured it out. A roll-neck jumper is not sexy. Just like any fully-functional clothing and sexiness are anti-correlated, such as pyjamas, dressing gowns.
Mens Turtleneck Jumpers / Roll Neck Jumpers
The above is what I have from John Lewis and it’s very warm (90% wool, 10% cashmere). Because of its woven pattern and dark colour, it doesn’t push either of my face or torso and I actually really like it.
Hand-wash only. I don’t wear it when I go out to a bar or while having a dinner. It’s ideal when I’m sitting in the office for hours. What the hell, why would I want to look sexy in the office? I love this one, very good quality, not as exposing, and certainly fully functional. Do you like it?
I read the article about roll neck sweaters.
You have done a good job bringing attention to the fact that they are UGLY on most people and absolutely Perfect on just a few.
I will say that you will enjoy your rollneck sweater this year too. Will you be posting pictures?
Overall, good article.
Thanks William for your comments! Just like anyone else, you just reminded me that the reason why I don’t have many photos of myself over Christmas period is probably because of the rollnecks… “I never knew I had such a pear-shaped body!” and delete them. There’s no reason why I should be so self-conscious! OK sure, I’ll take some pictures this Christmas and post them over here. Thanks again!
Ray
I love this jumpers, i don’t know why but they always remember about childhood in them.
Great spotted about the body shape that they not benefit you for this but on other side what can be better than wooly hot jumper in that cold winter?
Hi Niki,
Thanks for your comment, I’m glad you mentioned childhoods – suddenly reminded me that as I child I “hated” rollneck jumpers! I wasn’t particularly a fussy kid especially in clothing, but remember I didn’t like being too hot around my neck! I hope this post won’t offend anyone – it’s just me!
Yes as you say, nothing’s better than wooly jumpers in chilly winter.
Ray
Hi Raymundo,
I love this review of turtleneck jumpers!
You are so funny, I love your sarcasm and humour. I too am a fellow brit.
I suppose the plus side of turtlenecks is the fact you don’t need to add a scarf in the cold?? But what you say is very true, you have to have a certain body shape to carry them off – male or female!
I hope you’ll be receiving your usual Christmas turtleneck this year, but if you don’t, your John Lewis one looks great!
Sammi
Hi Sammi, thanks for your comment!
Yes you’re right, you don’t need an extra scarf… I thought turtlenecks would look fine for girls, especially with a long hair – girls can add all sorts of things like a necklace? And all sorts of different patterned jumpers available, whereas mens turtlenecks are all grey, beige, navy… It’s been quite warm over here hasn’t it. We’ll see if we have a freezing cold Christmas. Many thanks!
Ray
Hi,
Before I read your post, when I think of turtleneks, I think of Howard from Big Bang Theory – which meant NO turtlenecks,
This posts has really changed my mind by your illustration where it actually looks really awesome to wear one, I will definitely consider buying one during winter. I live in the Southern Hemisphere, so that would be around June.
Regards, Uwais
Hi Uwais, thanks for your comment. Howard ummmm nice hair, I actually like his dress sense, LOL! Ah, so you have a nice hot summer right now, that’s good. You could look around for short-sleeved turtlenecks (not)
Thanks for stopping by!
Ray
This was a nice read, and a very funny one:) You are absolutely right, turtlenecks or the one put into it can be looking really embarrassing, if you choose the wrong ones.
But like you say, if it’t a good color and nice pattern, and your body is in shape, it makes you look very handsome.
BTW like your logo!
Cheers,
Vera
Hi Vera, thanks for your comments and the compliments! After all this, I think I’m beginning to love turtlenecks now… Yes like you say, your body should be in shape, so I’ll keep working out and look forward to getting another lovely patterned turtlenecks this winter!
Thanks again,
Ray