When you start dating an older guy, you probably have some expectations. You figure he’s going to be mature, responsible, and have his life together. You might even imagine he’ll be the one teaching you a thing or two about the world, guiding you with all that experience he’s racked up over the years.

So why does it feel like you’re stuck babysitting instead of building a real relationship? Maybe you went into this thinking an age gap would bring more stability, a deeper well of wisdom, and a lot less drama. Instead, you’ve ended up with a boyfriend who acts like he’s still stumbling through his twenties—or worse, his teens—while you’re over here managing everything like the designated adult. At what point do you stop holding out hope he’ll finally grow up? And how do you figure out if you’re just making excuses for him because you don’t want to face the truth?

The Man-Child Dilemma

Let’s get one thing gay: age doesn’t guarantee maturity. Just because he’s got a few extra years under his belt and maybe some gray hair to prove it, that doesn’t mean he’s mastered the art of acting like a grown-up. Sometimes, you catch yourself staring at him and wondering if you’re dating a man or a college kid who missed the memo about growing up. Instead of stepping up as a partner, he feels more like a roommate who never learned how to pick up after himself—or even wipe down the counter after making a mess.

Take planning, for instance. He refuses to take the lead on anything. If you don’t make the dinner reservations, you’re both stuck eating frozen pizza on the couch for the third night in a row. If you don’t remind him about that party you RSVP’d to weeks ago, he’ll act like it never existed. You didn’t sign up to be his personal assistant, yet here you are, playing the role of a walking, talking calendar because he can’t be bothered.

Then there’s the way he treats responsibilities—like they’re optional. Bills pile up on the counter, unopened, until you finally nag him to deal with them. The laundry sits in a heap because, in his mind, “it’s not that bad yet.” These basic adulting tasks somehow become your problem because he pretends they’re invisible. You’re left wondering how someone older than you can still live like a slacker teenager.

And don’t even get started on his spending habits. Money seems to burn a hole in his pocket the second it lands there. He’ll drop cash on pricey sneakers or some shiny new gadget without a second thought, but when it comes to necessary stuff—like fixing the car that’s been making that weird noise for months—he shrugs and says, “We’ll figure it out later.” Watching him ignore basic financial planning is like watching a slow-motion train wreck you can’t stop.

Worst of all, he prioritizes fun over stability every chance he gets. Going out with his buddies always seems to trump fixing that leaky sink you’ve been asking about for weeks. He’ll sink hours into video games but can barely muster the energy for a real conversation with you. Nothing screams romance like realizing your boyfriend’s more committed to his PlayStation than he is to building something meaningful with you.

So what do you expect from an older partner? If you’re looking for someone steady and reliable, but he’s out here acting like a reckless kid, it might be time to take a hard look at what’s going on. If all you wanted was a fun fling to kill time with, maybe his immaturity isn’t a dealbreaker. The way you answer that question reveals what kind of relationship you’re really after—and whether this guy’s ever going to fit the bill.

Who’s the Adult Here?

When you first walked into this relationship with an older guy, you probably pictured some level of wisdom coming with the package. You thought he’d have insights to share, advice to offer, a steady hand to lean on. Instead, you’re the one dishing out life lessons like a tired parent while he sits there soaking it up—or ignoring it entirely. Sometimes you wonder if he sees you as his girlfriend or his unpaid life coach, always on call to fix his messes.

Take how he handles stress. Any tough situation magically becomes your job to sort out. Something breaks around the house? You’re the one googling repair services while he kicks back. Need to make a big decision? He’ll shrug and say he “doesn’t care either way,” leaving you to figure it out solo. It’s like he’s allergic to taking charge.

Confrontation? Forget it. He dodges it like it’s a contagious disease. If there’s a problem, he’ll crack a joke instead of facing it head-on. Get overcharged at the store? He just shrugs it off. Try to bring up something serious with him? Suddenly, his phone’s the most fascinating thing in the room. You’re left carrying the weight of every tough talk because he’d rather pretend everything’s fine.

Then there’s the emotional side. When he’s stressed out, you’re the one talking him off the ledge, soothing his nerves. But when you’re the one freaking out, he hits you with a casual “just chill” and calls it a day. It’s exhausting being his emotional anchor when he can’t even be bothered to return the favor. You didn’t sign up to play therapist in this relationship.

And if you dare give him feedback? Brace yourself. Point out something he could work on, and he acts like you’ve attacked his entire soul. Suggest a tiny change—like, say, not leaving dishes in the sink for a week—and he’ll twist it into your fault somehow. Apparently, the only response he’s okay with is you stroking his ego and saying, “You’re perfect, babe.”

So how do you deal with a partner who ducks responsibility at every turn? Ignore it, and you’re stuck picking up the slack forever while nothing changes. Call it out, and you might spark an argument—but at least there’s a chance he’ll grow from it. What you do next decides whether you’re stuck playing the fixer or finally get a partner who pulls his own weight.

Dating or Babysitting?

At some point, you might start to realize this doesn’t feel like a partnership anymore. You’re cast as the “supportive girlfriend,” running yourself ragged, while he’s over there playing the part of an emotionally stunted adult who can’t be bothered to try. It’s draining to be the only one keeping the wheels turning. Relationships are supposed to lift you up, not feel like a second job you never applied for.

He never takes the lead on anything. If you don’t nudge him, nothing gets done. If you don’t plan the date, you’re not going anywhere. If you stop putting in all the effort, the whole relationship might just collapse under the weight of his laziness—and that’s a scary thought. You shouldn’t have to carry it all.

Respecting your time? Not his strong suit. He’s late so often it’s practically a personality trait. He’ll cancel plans at the last second like it’s no big deal, leaving you hanging because whatever he’s doing apparently matters more than your schedule. It’s hard not to feel like you’re an afterthought.

When you call him out, it’s all excuses. “I’m just forgetful!” No, you’re just lazy, dude. “That’s just who I am!” Well, that’s just not cutting it. If he put half as much energy into stepping up as he does into dodging accountability, you wouldn’t be having this conversation. The excuses are wearing thin.

And then there’s his idea of effort. He thinksshowing up with flowers after weeks of slacking off fixes everything. A surprise date might feel sweet, but it doesn’t erase months of him coasting by. Grand gestures are cute, but you’re not here for a highlight reel—you need the day-to-day consistency that actually matters.

So when do you stop waiting for him to grow up? Keep giving him chances, and you’ll burn out, resentment piling up like unpaid bills. Demand better, and you’ll either see him step up or watch him walk away—but at least you’ll know where you stand. How long are you willing to play babysitter before you call it?

Love Isn’t Enough

Here’s the hard truth: love doesn’t fix immaturity. If he’s dead-set on staying a kid forever, you’re not sticking around to raise him into adulthood. A relationship thrives when both of you bring something to the table, not when you’re hauling the weight for two. If he wants to live like a perpetual teenager, he can do it solo.

He needs to show real progress—not just toss out empty promises. “I’ll do better” means nothing if he doesn’t back it up with action. “I hear you” is just noise if he never follows through. You deserve proof he’s capable of stepping up, not just sweet talk to keep you hanging on.

Taking responsibility for himself isn’t optional—it’s the bare minimum. Growing up means tackling his own messes without you holding his hand through it. Paying his bills, keeping his space in check, handling his life—these aren’t favors he does for you; they’re what adults do. If you wanted to manage someone’s life, you’d have signed up for a career in human resources.

He’s got to respect the effort you’re putting in, too. You can’t keep doing it all alone—it’s not sustainable, and it sucks the joy out of what you’re trying to build. Being the responsible one around the clock isn’t a role you signed up for. If he values you, he’ll show it by meeting you halfway.

And please, he needs to stop acting like basic tasks deserve a parade. Washing the dishes isn’t a heroic feat—it’s just cleaning up after himself. Paying a bill on time doesn’t earn him a gold star; it’s called being functional. The bare minimum isn’t “helping”—it’s just existing as an adult. You’re not here to clap for mediocrity.

So where do you stand? Are you still waiting for this guy to grow into his age, or are you done holding your breath? Keep waiting, and you’re locking yourself into more frustration and disappointment. Walk away, and you open the door for someone who doesn’t need a babysitter masquerading as a girlfriend. The choice is yours—but you deserve a partner, not a project.