Grieving For The Loss Of A Pet

If you're grieving over the loss of a pet dog just like I am now - I'd just like to share this very short but beautiful video, created by Red & Howling. The video understands your pain so well - how devastating it feels when "the time is up", and how we desperately try to cherish the wonderful memories with our beloved pet. 

We lost our Henry, 14 year old Jack Russell 2 months ago. He'd been suffering from Cushing's Disease for a few years, but it was a dementia that became totally uncontrollable in the end. The last 12 months, we were sleeping on the floor by the patio door, so that Henry could go out to pee any time during the night. We would go to bed at 7pm because that was when Henry would fall asleep. He would wake us up by howling at 11pm, then 1am, again at 2:30am and so on. We didn't have life, but we'd do anything to take care of our lovely dog. We wouldn't change our routine for the world. 

I never wanted to let him go. I knew I'd never be ready, but also knew that'd be wrong. So I asked my husband who is a nurse specialist himself, to make the bravest decision. He finally made the euthanasia appointment with our vet - the time we'd been dreading for years.

I've always considered myself to be sensible, logical and reserved, always keep my emotions to myself. For the very first time in my life, I cried my eyes out for Henry, the whole final week with him. I just could not accept the fact that this dog only had less than X hours to live.

The final photo of me & Henry - was taken by my husband in the early morning before he was put to sleep. My face was so swollen ugly because of the tears, also because amazingly, I'd been eating so much. I guess I was trying to fill this enormous emptiness with food - that's the only explanation. 

You know everybody says that when the time comes, your dog will tell you - look at you in the eye and back, or whatever. Henry never did. Perhaps because of the dementia. This photo is when he came to me to say "I'm sorry too. I don't want to go either but I'm so sick."

The time was up. We saw our beautiful boy dog take his last breath. As we left the vets - the second we went through the door, I completely lost myself and broke down. I repeat, if you don't mind - I'm an old, snotty, self-conscious, always calm and not-at-all-emotional android. And there, suddenly there was me crying like a baby in the middle of a busy street. This is what an unconditional love of pets did to me for the very first time in half a century of my life.

I had a couple of recurring dreams every single night. We go out searching for Henry in the park, can't find him and come home disappointed. The other dream was, you know one of those silly dreams that don't make sense; 

I would keep telling myself, "I know Henry's dead, he's in heaven and forever chasing squirrels, jumping across the rainbow, but there must be a way to bring him back alive... It is possible, we can scientifically bring Henry back from the dead. But how can I do that?" 

...Then I would wake up. This continued night after night after night, until we welcomed a 9-weeks old puppy a week later.

Initially I was completely against the idea of adopting a new dog so soon. I can't go through this trauma again. All our friends were asking us, "what kind of dog are you getting next?" Pets are not goods. I can't just choose one like I choose a new car. 

But we chose another Jack Russell Terrier, and indeed getting another dog turned out to be the right thing to do, in terms of putting an end to the misery. We will never forget about Henry, but the new puppy all of a sudden started to help us ease the pain, with his tininess, softness, with those little sparkling eyes, squeaky voice and wagging tail. It's also good for me to see my husband overjoyed.

The puppy, Victor is 4 month old now and keeps us busy day & night, as you can imagine. My husband and I are absolutely determined that we'll do everything to give him the happiest life possible.

Grieving for the loss of a pet is harder than I've ever imagined. My spirit's broken into pieces since the death of Henry. But it's slowly, slowly on the mend.

"I will never let you go. You're tucked in my heart like a precious jewel. You were and always will be... my best friend."

If you like this video, there are a few more clicks about dog pets available by Red & Howling, so visit YouTube and take a look.