Fake Yourself and You May Find Your Real Self

You know you can't change your past but you can change your future. And they say you can be any type of person you want to be - if you stay positive and believe you can do anything, you can create the most ideal version of yourself.

While I do believe that theory to some extent, I also believe it takes so much hard work to become someone that you're not. Because your past - years & years - has already created the foundation of your personality, and it's extremely difficult to wipe out the process at a subconscious level.

With all the said, what if pretending to be someone you’re not actually helps you discover who you really are? It sounds backward, but there’s something to it. Faking certain parts of yourself sometimes shines a light on what’s genuine. Let’s get into how playing a role might lead you to the real deal – your true self.

Pretending Can Reveal What Feels Right

There’s this interesting thing that happens when you start pretending to be a certain way. Maybe you’re acting more confident than you feel or trying out a hobby that’s not really “you.” At first, it might seem uncomfortable, but in doing it, you start to notice what clicks and what doesn’t. In the act of faking it, you might stumble upon parts of yourself that actually feel real.

• You might force yourself to speak up more in meetings, even though you usually stay quiet. At first, it feels weird, like you’re playing a character. But after a while, you notice that you enjoy having a voice and being heard. What started as faking turns into something that feels genuine – maybe you actually are someone who likes to share ideas and lead discussions.
• Trying out new styles is another example. Let’s say you decide to dress more boldly, even though you’ve always been the “jeans and t-shirt” type. It might feel like a costume at first, but as you keep doing it, you notice that it brings out a side of you that’s been hidden. You start feeling more expressive, creative, or confident, not because the clothes changed you but because they helped uncover a part of you that was already there.
• Picking up a new social habit, like being more outgoing at parties, can also lead to self-discovery. You might feel like you’re faking enthusiasm or forcing yourself to be more social. But somewhere in the process, you find yourself genuinely enjoying the connections and conversations. That “fake” social energy could turn out to be a real part of who you are.

Pretending doesn’t always mean you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Sometimes, it’s a way of testing the waters to see what resonates with you. In playing the role, you might realize you’re not faking at all – you’re just discovering a new layer of yourself.

And you know what, if you're a reasonably honest person, you'll soon get bored of playing a make-believe game with yourself. You'll soon realize that you can't keep turning blind eye to something you don't think is right and pretend it's all okay. 

Faking It as a Path to Self-Confidence

Confidence is one of those things people often fake until it becomes real. There’s something about acting confident, even when you don’t feel it, that eventually makes the confidence stick. It’s like your mind catches up with what your actions are telling it.

• You walk into a room with your head held high and act like you belong there, even though inside you feel small. Over time, the act of doing it makes you start believing it. The more you repeat the behavior, the more natural it feels. What once felt like an act now feels like your actual personality.
• Speaking up in situations where you’d normally stay quiet is another area where faking helps. You might not feel bold enough to voice your opinions, but if you pretend to be that person who speaks their mind, you slowly start seeing yourself that way. Others start responding to you differently too, which reinforces the idea that maybe you do have something valuable to say.
• Taking on leadership roles that feel outside your comfort zone often begins with faking confidence. You might not think of yourself as a leader, but if you start acting like one – making decisions, taking charge – eventually, it doesn’t feel so fake anymore. It turns out that you’re capable of more than you initially thought.

The funny thing about confidence is that it’s often built through action. You fake it by acting confident, and before you know it, those actions have shaped your reality. What started as pretending transforms into genuine self-assurance.

Exploring New Identities Through Imitation

Sometimes, pretend to be someone you’re not, and you get to try on different versions of yourself, seeing what sticks and what doesn’t. In the process, you learn more about who you are and what you’re drawn to.

• If you’ve ever admired someone for their attitude or style, you might have found yourself copying them. Maybe you start talking like them, adopting their habits, or mimicking their behavior. It might feel like you’re just playing a role, but often, what you’re doing is testing out parts of that person’s identity to see if it aligns with yours.
• Switching up how you present yourself online is another way people explore identities. You might create a persona on social media that’s bolder or more extroverted than you are in real life. Over time, some of that online persona bleeds into your real life, helping you tap into traits you didn’t know you had.
• Getting into different social circles can also lead to identity experiments. Maybe you start hanging out with a group that’s completely different from your usual crowd – artists, athletes, or tech geeks. You might initially feel out of place, but in trying to fit in, you discover new parts of yourself that actually enjoy those interests or activities.

Pretending isn’t about being fake; it’s about trying on different versions of yourself to see what feels right. In experimenting with new identities, you refine what’s true to you and what’s not.

When Faking Feels Like Freedom

There’s something liberating about faking it sometimes. It gives you permission to step outside your usual self and try something different without the pressure of it being permanent. You get to play with your identity without fully committing, which opens up possibilities.

• Being in a new environment, like traveling to a place where nobody knows you, lets you try on different behaviors or attitudes. You might act more adventurous, spontaneous, or outgoing just because you feel freer. In that freedom, you might discover parts of yourself that you want to bring back with you into your everyday life.
• Trying out a different professional persona can be another way to experiment. Maybe you start dressing sharper at work or taking on projects that aren’t your usual style. It’s not about faking skills you don’t have but about exploring how a different approach or mindset might feel. Over time, you might find that this new version of yourself fits better than your old one.
• Even in relationships, faking certain behaviors at first can lead to growth. Maybe you pretend to be more patient or understanding, even if it doesn’t come naturally. Eventually, by practicing those behaviors, they start becoming more real, leading to better connections.

Faking it isn’t always about pretending to be something you’re not. It’s about giving yourself the space to explore, try new things, and figure out what parts of those experiments feel the most real.

Discovering Yourself Through Role-Playing

Sometimes, life is like a series of role-playing games where you try out different roles to see what fits. You might play the confident leader, the social butterfly, or the creative thinker, even if those roles don’t feel like “you” at first. But through the act of playing those roles, you often find pieces of yourself that you didn’t know existed.

• At work, you might step into a role that requires you to be more assertive than you’ve ever been. Even if it feels forced at first, over time, you might discover that you’re good at it and actually enjoy it. The role you were playing wasn’t so far off from your real self – you just hadn’t discovered that side of you yet.
• In social settings, taking on a role that’s outside your comfort zone – like being the funny one or the life of the party – might start off as an experiment. But maybe in faking that role, you find out you’re actually pretty good at making people laugh or getting the room energized.
• Even in personal development, faking certain habits, like being more disciplined or organized, eventually shapes you into someone who actually possesses those traits. What started as playing a role becomes a genuine part of who you are.

Role-playing isn’t just about pretending; it’s about experimenting with different aspects of yourself until you find your own fabulousness. In the process, you end up piecing together a more complete version of who you really are.

So, maybe faking it isn’t such a bad thing after all. It’s not about being dishonest or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about using those moments of “faking” as a way to explore different sides of yourself, test what feels right, and eventually discover what’s real. Sometimes, you have to act the part before you realize it’s truly who you are.