Let me tell you something upfront: if you’re looking for straight-laced seriousness, you’re in the wrong place. I’m here to spill a cocktail of sarcasm, ridiculousness, and a sprinkle of sass. Imagine a world where people’s reactions to me are like the sprinkles on a cake - some colorful, some just plain extra, and others that don’t know they’ve been invited to the party. Welcome to my life as an unapologetically out, slightly messy, and proudly fabulous man.
First, a quick confession: I’m allergic to pastel colors - the whole idea of it, you see what I mean? The same-ness. The “keep-your-head-down” vibe. Imagine the world if every person - queer, straight, chaotic, or otherwise - decided to stop caring about the unwritten rules of beige living. Glitter bombs in cubicles, impromptu karaoke sessions on the subway, and more people accessorizing with flair. Life would be chef’s kiss glorious.
Why Pastel is the Enemy
People often ask why I refuse to “blend in.” If you’ve ever been mistaken for a lamp at a dinner party, you’d understand my reasoning. Blending in comes with risks - chief among them being ignored. When I step into a room, I don’t want to slink in. I want to announce myself with metaphorical trumpets, or at least with an outfit that’ll have someone asking, “Who let Elton John’s long-lost cousin in here?”
Let’s get this straight: standing out isn’t about seeking approval. It’s more about daring people to think twice about their own choices. Someone sees me in a sequined blazer and suddenly feels compelled to reconsider their khakis. A public service, really.
What’s one way you’ve stood out recently? Could your actions inspire others to rethink their beige habits? Reflecting on this might just encourage small rebellions that add color to life.
On People Who Want to Rain on Parades
Of course, life isn’t all rainbows and stiletto heels. Some folks want nothing more than to dim your sparkle. You know the type:
- They’re the ones side-eyeing you in the grocery store when you’re buying glittery birthday candles.
- They mutter things like, “Must he be so loud?” while clutching their non-fat lattes like life rafts.
Dealing with these people requires tactics. My personal favorite is “out-awkwarding” them. Staring contests work wonders. So does asking them where they bought their shoes in the most genuinely exaggerated way possible: “Ohhhhhhmygod, are those Crocs? Tell me everything.” It usually leaves them blinking in confusion long enough for me to waltz away with dignity intact.
When someone tries to rain on your parade, how do you respond? Might experimenting with humor or boldness shift the interaction in your favor?
The Joy of Provocation
Some might say my attitude borders on antagonistic. I prefer the term "thought-provoking - but make it spicy." There’s a kind of magic in making someone uncomfortable for all the right reasons. Not malicious discomfort - just enough to nudge them out of their bubble.
For example, I love wearing statement T-shirts. My current favorite says: “If You’re Reading This, Stop Judging My Shorts.” Every time I’m out in it, I get one of three responses:
- Laughter - usually from cool grandmas and tipsy brunch-goers.
- Visible confusion - like they’re trying to solve an SAT question.
- Thinly veiled disapproval - my favorite, because it means the shirt did its job.
Now, provoking reactions isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes commitment. You have to accept that some people will think you’re a menace. Spoiler: I’m okay with that.
What’s the boldest way you’ve ever expressed yourself? Could repeating that act remind others that stepping out of their comfort zone is liberating?
Love, Dating, and Other Rollercoasters
Being out-and-proud comes with its quirks, especially in the dating department. The sheer variety of responses I’ve had on first dates could fill a novella. There’s the occasional guy who finds my flair “intimidating.” Others have audibly gasped when I’ve mentioned my love for drag shows. Once, a man asked if I “ever tone it down,” and I responded by applying glitter lip balm right in front of him. The date didn’t last, but the memory’s priceless.
To anyone out there swiping right while dodging societal nonsense, take heart. The people worth keeping won’t ask you to edit yourself. If someone tells you to dim your sparkle, hand them sunglasses or show them the door.
What’s one way you’ve stayed true to yourself in relationships? Could sharing your experience encourage others to stand firm in their self-worth?
On Families - Biological and Chosen
Being the queer relative in a family of mostly heteronormative humans comes with its fair share of awkward holiday moments. My favorite game? Bingo. Every family gathering, I create a mental bingo card of phrases like:
- “So when are you getting married?”
- “You know, your cousin Jessica just had twins.”
- “Why does your shirt say, ‘Ask Me About My Drag Name’?”
When I hit bingo, I reward myself with extra dessert.
Chosen family, though - now that’s where the gold is. The people who know exactly how weird you are and still text you to hang out? Priceless. Finding them’s like assembling your personal Avengers team, only with more sequins and fewer world-ending threats.
How do you show up for your chosen family or friends? Could your actions strengthen bonds and inspire others to cherish their connections?
A Thought on Labels
Labels are funny things. Some people slap them on like bumper stickers, others resist them like they’re made of poison. Personally, I think labels are tools - they help explain yourself to others, but they’re not your entire existence. If someone wants to call me flamboyant, fabulous, or downright confusing, so be it. I’ll take all three and wear them like a sash in a beauty pageant.
That said, I do have one gripe: people who misuse labels. Don’t call yourself an ally and then squirm when someone mentions queer rights. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t call me “eccentric” unless you’re prepared to back it up with cash - because we all know eccentricity comes with wealth. I’m fun, not eccentric. Let’s be clear.
What label feels most authentic to you? Could embracing or redefining it make you feel more confident?
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Why This Matters
Life is short, and there’s no prize for living it beige. When I think about the moments that stick out in my memory, they’re the loud, colorful, and unapologetically weird ones. The time I wore platform boots to a supermarket. The impromptu drag performance at a karaoke bar. The wedding where I caught the bouquet and refused to give it back. These are the stories that make life fun.
If you’re reading this and feeling a little antsy about trying something bold, start small. Buy the glittery socks. Say yes to the weird haircut. Life’s too short for regrets and too long for monotony.
As for me? I’ll be here, making people side-eye my fashion choices, laughing at inappropriate moments, and refusing to apologize for taking up space. After all, what’s the alternative? Beige? Not on my watch.
What’s a bold choice you’ve been hesitating to make? Could taking the leap help you create stories worth sharing?
