Do We Have To Forgive?

The need to let go of grudges and move past offenses, really? Yes, you forgive someone so you can free yourself from the toxic hold of negative emotions. You've got to reduce stress and anxiety, that's the main thing. You tell yourself forgive and forget because you cannot change what's already been done.

But certain bad memories are hard to let go, right? Impossible to let go. Not every situation demands forgiveness, and there are times when not forgiving can actually be the healthier choice for your emotional well-being.

When Forgiveness Turns Into Resentment

What if forgiving someone feels like you're compromising your values? Or letting them off too easily? Your overly-kind heart doesn't always serve you well.

For example, if someone repeatedly disrespects you and treats you poorly, forgiving them without any change or acknowledgment from their side will make you feel like you're just allowing it to continue. Standing your ground by not forgiving can be a form of self-respect and a statement that you won’t tolerate such behavior.

The Pressure to Forgive

Society often puts pressure on us to forgive, suggesting that holding onto anger is somehow unhealthy.

Clinging to bitterness for a long time can be harmful for sure. But equally, you don’t need to rush into forgiveness. Everyone processes things in their own time and manner. If you’re feeling pressured to forgive for the sake of others’ comfort rather than your own, think about why you're really considering forgiveness.

Are you doing it for them or for yourself?

Self-Protection

You've got to protect your own emotional health, right? You have to let them know that they no longer exist in your world. Because forgiving someone without establishing new boundaries or receiving a sincere apology will just create a new cycle of hurt. 

Show them "never forgive, never forget", and you're sending a clear message about what is and isn’t acceptable to you. This will help you prevent future issues and emotional pain.

The Accountability

Forgiveness should ideally come with accountability. What it means is, if someone isn’t willing to own up to their actions and make amends, you may feel incomplete. You're giving them a wrong signal - that you don't mind, not a big deal, you are so generous, and they're still your friend. Whereas in fact, the situation is completely opposite.

That's not the right thing for you to do, is it? You must show your anger and let it act as a catalyst for the other person, so that they'll deeply regret their actions and correct their behavior in the future.

A Peace of Mind Without Forgiveness

Fnding peace is often associated with forgiveness, but peace can also come from accepting that some things can't or shouldn't be forgiven. You can find tranquility in knowing you stood up for yourself and acted according to what you feel is right. That itself can be incredibly liberating and peaceful.

Focus on Your Own Success

The mix of anger, sadness, a desire for revenge... Imagine channeling all that energy into your own success in life instead. Focus on becoming more successful. Have a fulfilling career, strong relationships, or maybe improve your health and happiness?

The more you invest in building a life you love, the less you'll find yourself concerned with past hurts. You will shift your attention away from the negativity associated with that person.

With this newfound strength, the grievance no longer holds any power over you. In other words, you won't care whether to forgive or not forgive. You'll simply forget!

Living Well Is the Best Response

Ultimately, living well and being successful is about putting yourself first, not about showing up someone who wronged you, right? You will have a richer, more fulfilling life, and that's enough, isn't it?

Instead of stewing over old wounds, you’ll be too busy enjoying the rewards of your hard work and personal growth. This way, forgiveness, if it comes at all, is just a byproduct of a life well-lived.