Anti Gay Marriage Arguments With The Other Side Of The World

When I communicate with people in other parts of the world, anti gay marriage issue can be pretty unavoidable. People from small communities share the same icebreaker - How's your family? Are you married? No children!? Why no children, WHY??? How's your wife?

They're often astonished - I mean really astonished when I tell them I have a husband, and explain why I have a husband...because I'm gay.

They all grew up being taught that reproduction is the only meaning of life. When they've married and had at least two children, their lives are complete. Mission accomplished. Finito.

So understandably, being gay is a failure in that respect. If homosexuality is illegal in their countries, it's impossible to argue with them. As far as they are concerned, gayness is as bad as murder or rape, if not worse.

Okay, how awful it must be for gays to live there is beyond imagination, but today I'm not talking about the sexuality discrimination on the other side of the world. I'm taking about how best to deal with them on a personal level when communication is unavoidable - to which I still don't have the answer.

I Don't Have Time For That!

The number of internet users is increasing continually and we're more & more exposed to new parts of the world. I've made some great internet friends that I can talk about anything with. But while diversity is a fabulous thing most of the time, not necessarily so in a trading relationship. That is when the cultural difference gets in the way of a business deal. When 'our' etiquette rule is not theirs, you know what I mean? 

We've talked about the weather, we've negotiated over the service. I'm ready to pay the supplier. All I want to confirm is the terms & conditions. But there's one more thing the supplier is willing to check with me; Enter Privacy Zone!

How am I managing to cope with such a 'disastrous life'? - My life is a disaster because I don't have a live-in woman in my house. Who does the cooking, washing, washing up, and cleaning for me? I must find a woman as soon as possible to get all the stuff sorted... Okay, I like the price you're offering, wife-beater, but if you keep snooping around like that, your new business is not going very far on this side of the world. 

"Just ignore them." I can hear you say. Yes I do, as from that point. This deal is now going to be a one-off, I don't need a sexist supplier and I'll find someone else next time. The trouble is, it's fine for once or twice occasions but it seems to happen ever so often to me. And I can't afford to spare 2 hours to answer "Why are you gay?" or listen to their version of the meaning of life every single time. I really don't have time for that.

What Marriage Means To Me

All that didn't just start to happen yesterday. I'm 52, survived homophobia throughout the 1980's then 90's. I never pretended to be straight, I just had to avoid talking about relationships in a business environment.

There were times when it was easier & smarter to say "I'm single" rather than to say "I have a boyfriend" in order to get things done. Everyone else in the office received a bonus when they got married, then again each time they had a baby. So I never received mine. It was a UK-limited company I was working for - what the hell was that?

Now the time has changed - I am lawfully married to a man, there's no way I would lie about my marital status to anyone in the world. My answer to the question of how my wife is, is "I have a husband, and he's very well." No other options because I'm happily married and proudly married to a man. How else would I want to answer? 

So it begins. I try to make it as clear as I can in order to avoid a ping-pong conversation ("Hold on Ray, I'm confused. Are you a man or woman?"). My photo is genuine, I am a man who is married to a man, and it's legal in this country. And that we are very happy - because they're often sorry for me to be gay. (Just like my Japanese friends are sorry that I can't eat 'such a delicious' meat, while I choose to be a vegetarian.)

Anti-Gay Marriage Arguments

But they hardly let us move on from that topic. Many questions and answers to follow. Look, I just want to close the deal. Some are adamant that gay marriage should be banned on a worldwide scale. Some have got pretty aggressive with me. The next thing they want to know is whether the Holy Bible allows gay relationships (can of worms). A couple of guys have tried to convert me to Islam.

On the other hand - not all of these people are from countries where homosexuality is illegal. My Dutch fellow marketer in his mid 30's who's now become a great friend of mine, didn't even know such a thing existed. While same-sex marriage has been legal since 2001 in The Netherlands. I gave him a Wiki link and he was amazed to learn about it.

To anyone who is open to knowing and willing to understand, I always explain to them with my heart and soul, the best of my knowledge of the legality of same-sex marriage, and how our society is accepting equality over here.

But it is often a dilemma, I don't need such an icebreaker ("How's your family? Are you married?") getting out of proportion in the midst of a business negotiation when all I want is to close the deal. Is there any way to "shut them up" quicker without sounding hostile, I'd like to know. Or is it the price I pay instead of saving a few hundred dollars worth of service costs?

Lastly I'd like to make it clear that there's no intention or whatsoever to make fun of cultural differences in this blog post. I absolutely condemn the fact that homosexuality is still illegal in many countries and millions of LGBT suffer discrimination and risk their lives.

And over here in our society - while LGBTQ is now widely recognised and things have become a lot easier than before, homophobia is still here and we must continue to fight against it by all means.