When you find out your partner's been unfaithful, it's like a gut punch. Your head's spinning, you're gutted, and a million questions are racing through your head, right?

Well, I've been down this road, and trust me, you will get through that. Don't shy away. Don't let the fricking time heal. Because you know you deserve better - a lot better than your cheating rat. Let's find out how you can get out of this rotten situation and be happier than you can imagine.

 1. Talk to your partner

The the best move is to confront the situation head-on. First things first, you've got to set up a space for this talk that feels safe. A place where you won't be interrupted or rushed. This isn't a conversation to have in a public space. Can you imagine the added drama if this goes sideways at your local coffee shop? So, pick a spot that's private and neutral.

Prepping Yourself Mentally

Before you dive into this chat, take a beat. You need to get your thoughts in order, and that's not easy when your emotions are doing the cha-cha. Maybe jot down the main points you want to cover. This isn't about scripting the whole thing but having a clear idea of what you want to say. You're less likely to get sidetracked by anger or hurt this way, you know?

The Talk: Be Direct but Calm

Now, when it's time to talk, be as calm as you can. It's okay to show emotion—after all, you're human—but losing your cool could derail the whole conversation. Start with what you know, and don't dance around the subject. "I know about what's been going on, and we need to talk about it," is a line that comes to mind. Gets straight to the point, doesn't it?

Listen to Their Side

After laying it all out, give him a chance to speak. Sure, it might be the last thing you want to do, but understanding why he did it can be enlightening. Maybe there's a disconnect between you two that's been growing like a weed, and you haven't noticed, right?

Expressing Your Feelings

Now, you've got to be honest about how you feel. This isn't about assigning blame or playing the victim—it's about being real. "I feel betrayed, and it hurts like hell," is putting it mildly, but it's important that he understands the impact of his actions.

Taking Time

After the talk, you don't need to make any immediate decisions. It's okay to say, "I need some time to think about all this." Honestly, a little space to breathe and think things through is a wise move. Decisions made in the heat of the moment aren't always the best, are they?

2. Get tested for STDs

Yeah, finding out your man's been cheating throws a whole lot of stuff into question, and one of those is your health. It's a no-brainer; getting tested for STDs should shoot straight to the top of your to-do list. Let me walk you through how I handled this mess.

Taking Action for Your Health

The moment it clicked for me that my partner might not have been, let's say, exclusive, I knew I had to get myself to a clinic. Here’s the deal:

• Find a Clinic: Look up where you can get tested. Whether it's your regular doc, a sexual health clinic, or even some at-home testing kits, the options are there. Personally, I went for a clinic because I wanted to talk to someone who got it, you know?
• Get the Full Panel: Don’t just test for the "usual suspects." Ask for a comprehensive screening. It's better to cover all the bases, because with STDs, some are sneakier than others and might not show symptoms right off the bat.
• Talk to a Professional: I found it super helpful to chat with a healthcare provider. They filled me in on what to expect and calmed my nerves about the whole process. And honestly, just having someone professional to talk to about it made a difference.

Facing the Emotional Stuff

Getting tested isn't just a physical thing—it's emotional, too. When I was sitting there in the clinic, it hit me just how much trust had been broken. It's okay to feel angry, embarrassed, or whatever cocktail of emotions is brewing inside you. This step is as much about looking after your mental health as your physical well-being, isn't it?

Waiting for Results

The wait for results can be nerve-wracking. During this time, take care of yourself. Hit the gym, talk to friends, or binge that show you've been putting off. Whatever takes your mind off things for a bit.

Dealing With the Results

When you get your results back, hopefully, it's all clear. But if it's not, remember that most STDs are treatable, and many are curable. It's about taking the next steps, following your doc's advice, and keeping your health on track.

3. See a therapist

When the rug got pulled out from under me with my partner's cheating saga, the last thing I was thinking about was therapy. But a therapist can be a game-changer. And finding one who's walked a mile in your shoes—or at least gets the terrain—can make a world of difference.

Why a Gay Therapist Made Sense for Me

I'll tell you straight up, the thought of explaining the nuances of a same-sex relationship to someone who might not get it was exhausting. A gay therapist? They get the dynamics without needing a play-by-play. Plus, they've probably had their fair share of similar experiences or, at the very least, understand the specific challenges that come with them.

The Healing Process

Sitting down with a therapist gave me the chance to unpack all the baggage that I didn't even realize I was carrying. It's like every session peeled back another layer. They don't just sit there nodding and hmm-ing, you know?

• Venting: There's a lot of venting, sure. Getting it all out there without judgment? Priceless.
• Understanding Patterns: My therapist helped me see patterns in my relationship that were way above my paygrade to understand on my own.
• Building Strategies: We worked on strategies, not just to get past the cheating but to build up my own sense of self again.

Therapy Isn't a Quick Fix

But I've got to be real with you; therapy isn't like taking your car in for a service and coming out all fixed up. It's a process. There were days I felt like I was getting nowhere. But over time, things started to click into place. A bit like doing a jigsaw puzzle without the box—you slowly start to see the bigger picture.

How It Helped Me Move Forward

Therapy gave me the tools to start healing, sure, but it also made me wiser about my own needs and boundaries. We talked a lot about trust—how to rebuild it, what it means, how to establish it in future relationships.

And you know what? Finding a therapist who's part of the LGBTQ+ community meant there was this unspoken understanding. They didn't just sympathize; they empathized, and that's a whole different ballgame.

It's About More Than Just the Cheating

One thing I didn't expect was how therapy would spill over into other areas of my life. It wasn't just about dealing with the cheating; it was about understanding how I relate to others and how I see myself. It's heavy stuff, but man, is it worth it.

So yeah, hitting up a therapist after the whole cheating debacle was a smart move—one I'd recommend to anyone in a similar boat. They help you navigate through the mess and come out the other side, maybe not unscathed but definitely stronger. Sounds good, right?

4. Make a safety plan

Alright, when you're in the thick of it, like I was, you've got to consider all the angles, including safety. Here’s how I navigated through that minefield.

Crafting a Safety Plan

First up, creating a safety plan is NOT admitting you expect the worst; it's ensuring you're prepared for any scenario. When suspicion crept in about who my guy had been seeing, I couldn’t dismiss the risks. So I hatched a plan:

• Securing a Safe Space: I had a friend who was rarely home due to her night shifts. Offered up her place as a temporary crash pad if things went south. Having a spot to bolt to gave me peace of mind.
• Limiting Confrontation: When we had the big talk, I made sure to do it at a time when I knew I could leave right after. This wasn't about running away; it was about staying in control of the situation.

Moving to Safer Grounds

And yeah, when things feel off, putting some physical space between you and the drama isn't cowardly—it's smart. I temporarily moved my valuables and essentials to my sister's place. It was subtle, didn't make a big deal out of it, but it was my way of ensuring some security.

It's about looking out for yourself and making sure the narrative doesn't spiral. It's easy to get lost in the drama, the what-ifs, and the anger. But at the end of the day, taking the high road and ensuring you're safe and supported—that's the priority.

5. Set the record straight - with friends and family

As for the social side of things, it’s delicate. While it's tempting to rally the troops against him, I found it's not always the classiest move to just trash talk—even if he is being a total rat.

• Sharing Your Side: I sat down with my closest friends and laid it all out. Just the facts, no embellishments. They needed to hear my side first, so the story didn't get twisted.
• Seeking Support, Not Soldiers: It wasn't about painting him as the villain and me as the saint. I needed support, not an army. My friends were my sounding board, not my warriors.

Painting the Full Picture

In the end, though, word gets out, and sides get taken. That's life. But I worked hard to keep my integrity intact. I spoke my truth without mud-slinging. Turns out, people respect you more when you're not out for blood. You're the one who has to live with your actions afterward, not him, not your friends. So you make sure they’re actions you can stand by, right?

6. Don't even think about getting back with him

The whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage felt like a cliche until I lived it. After that betrayal, the trust was shattered. And let me tell you, trying to put trust back together is like trying to unscramble an egg.

Trust Is a One-Time Offer

When the person you've bared your soul to goes and throws it all in the trash, that's not just a simple mistake; that's a choice they made. I learned the hard way that if someone can make that choice once, making it again isn't such a stretch. Rebuilding trust is a Herculean task and frankly, one I wasn't willing to sign up for.

Plenty More Fish in the Sea

Cliche again, I know, but it's true. Why settle for someone who's proven they'll disrespect you when there are so many guys out there who understand the value of loyalty? I took the cheating fiasco as a sign to move on. It was my exit cue, loud and clear.

The Liberation of Letting Go

Deciding not to take him back was like dropping a weight I didn't know I was carrying. Suddenly, I was free to explore, to meet new people who didn't come with a backstory of betrayal.

And guess what? The dating world is full of surprises. There are some incredible men out there who know how to appreciate a good thing when they have it.

A Note on Forgiveness

Now, don't get me wrong; I'm not saying holding onto bitterness is the way to go. Forgiveness is more about giving yourself peace than absolving them of what they've done. But forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget or allow them back into your life.

I forgave, for my own sake, so I could move on unencumbered by the past.

Embracing the Single Life

I took some time to be single, too. It's important to rediscover who you are outside of a relationship—especially one that ended in betrayal. Rebuilding my sense of self was the best thing I did. I got to fall back in love with myself, and that's something no one can take away from you.

7. Get the shared assets sorted

Man, diving into the legal nitty-gritty post-breakup feels like you’re mixing oil and water. But when you've got shared assets like a house or a car, you can't just walk away and hope for the best. Trust me, I learned that one the hard way.

Legal Counsel: Not Just for the Rich and Famous

I'll admit, the thought of lawyering up seemed over-the-top at first. Like, could we not just sort this out over coffee? But when it comes to legal stuff, emotions and good intentions don't cut it. So I found myself a lawyer who specialized in this kind of thing.

• Free Consultation: A lot of lawyers offer a free initial consultation. I took advantage of that to get a feel for what my rights were and what I was up against.
• Understanding Entitlements: My ex and I weren’t married, but we had mixed our finances like a cocktail. The lawyer helped me understand what I was entitled to and what was up for negotiation.

Mortgages and Memories

The house was the big one. Our home wasn't just a building; it was a scrapbook of memories, which made it all the more complex to untangle. But sentimentality doesn't pay the bills, right?

• Negotiating Buyouts: In my case, we had to figure out if one of us could buy the other out, or if we'd sell and split the proceeds. That's where the lawyer earned their keep, steering those conversations and keeping things civil.
• Legal Documentation: It’s one thing agreeing over a handshake, another to have it down on paper. Legal documentation made sure that once we agreed on something, it was set in stone—or as close to it as possible.

Wheels and Deals

The car was less of an emotional minefield but still a practical one. I loved that car, but I loved my peace of mind more.

• Transferring Titles: If one person is taking the car, the title needs to be transferred properly. There’s paperwork involved, and sometimes, it requires a trip to the DMV—everyone’s favorite place, right?
• Calculating Payments: If there's a car loan involved, figuring out who owes what and to whom gets tricky. Again, that’s where legal advice saved me from a headache.

Keeping It Civil

Throughout the whole process, my mantra was 'keep it civil'. I didn't want this to spiral into some melodrama fit for daytime TV. Lawyers can be like referees; they help keep the peace when things could easily get out of hand.

Looking Back

Dealing with shared assets legally can seem cold when you're sorting through the remnants of a relationship. But believe me, it’s about protecting your future self. Lawyers aren't just for courtroom dramas; they're for real-life drama too, ensuring that you come out the other side with what you need to start fresh. It makes sense to cover your bases, doesn't it?

8. Enjoy being single for a while

Suddenly single, I found myself with a freedom I hadn't realized I'd missed. The gay scene can be a candy store if you're just looking for a bit of fun—no strings attached. It was like taking a vacation from all the heavy emotional stuff.

• Cruising the Scene: I hit the usual spots—the bars, the clubs, the apps. It's almost too easy to find a casual hookup if that's what you're after.
• Safety First: Just because it's easy doesn't mean you shouldn't be smart. I always made my personal safety a priority, from meeting in public places to the obvious safe sex practices.

Not Rushing Into Anything

Diving into another relationship wasn't on my agenda. I needed time to rediscover what I enjoyed, both in and out of the bedroom, without someone else's needs dictating my actions.

The Healing Power of Fun

Who says healing has to be all tears and therapy? Sometimes, a good old-fashioned fling is just what the doctor ordered. It's about feeling desired, enjoying the moment, and not dwelling on the past.

• Keeping It Light: I kept things light and upfront. No leading anyone on—I made sure we were all on the same page.
• The Variety Show: The beauty of the casual scene is the variety. You meet all sorts of guys, each with their own stories. It’s a reminder that there's a whole world of potential out there.

The Caveat of Casual

Now, this isn't for everyone. Some people need emotional connections for physical ones, and that's cool. But for me, casual encounters were a way to ease back into the single life without pressure.

The Bigger Picture

Having a string of one-night stands didn't fill the void the breakup left, but it wasn't supposed to. It was just a chapter—an interlude of sorts. I never confused the temporary thrill of a new conquest with the deeper satisfaction of a committed relationship.

When You Know, You Know

Eventually, you'll hit a point where the one-night stands start to feel a bit hollow. That's when you know you're ready to start considering something more serious again. For me, it was a gradual shift. One day, the idea of another anonymous hookup just wasn't that appealing.

In Retrospect

So yeah, post-breakup, I lived it up. And why not? You're only young once, and heartbreak doesn't have to be the end of the world. It can be a beginning, too. Just remember to keep your wits about you. Fun is fun, but you want to make sure you're around to enjoy the serious stuff when you're ready for it again, right?

9. Build a "Better Me"

Post-breakup, I put all that relationship energy back into someone often neglected: myself. It wasn't just about getting ripped or reading philosophy; it was about becoming someone I'd want to date.

The Gym Became My New Partner

I dove into fitness with a fervor I hadn't realized I was capable of. And no, it wasn't about sculpting the perfect revenge body. It was about setting goals and achieving them for my own satisfaction.

• Routine Is King: I got into a solid routine, which wasn't just great for my physique but for my mental health too.
• Feeling Stronger: With every extra pound I lifted, I felt stronger—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.

Feeding the Mind

Self-improvement wasn't just a physical journey. I stocked my shelves with books that challenged and expanded my thinking.

• Learning New Things: I picked up books on topics I'd always been curious about but never explored.
• Meditation and Mindfulness: I started practicing meditation. That stuff can seem like a chore at first, but it centered me, big time.

Cultivating Inner Attractiveness

Becoming more attractive on the inside was about more than just intellectual pursuits. It was about becoming kinder, more patient, and more empathetic.

• Self-Reflection: I spent time reflecting on my past relationships, not to brood but to learn. How could I be a better partner in the future?
• Empathy Expansion: I volunteered, which opened my eyes to real struggles, making my own seem small in comparison.

The Magnetism of Self-Sufficiency

There's something incredibly attractive about someone who doesn't need anyone else to be complete. I focused on becoming self-sufficient, not just for the sake of attracting someone new, but because it made my life better.

• Financial Independence: I got my finances in order, budgeted, saved, invested. Knowing I was financially secure gave me peace of mind.
• Emotional Stability: I wasn't looking for someone to fix me or prop me up. I learned to stand on my own two feet.

The Law of Attraction

Once I started putting out this new, improved vibe, I noticed something: I didn't have to look for men; they came to me. It was like they could sense that I was someone worth knowing.

• Quality Over Quantity: The men I attracted were different this time. They weren't just interested in my looks or what I could do for them. They were interested in who I was.
• No Rush: The best part was, I wasn't in any hurry to partner up. I was enjoying this new version of myself too much.

Living Proof

So, there I was, a walking testament to the power of self-improvement. It's amazing how much your life can change when you decide to focus on being the best version of yourself. You become a beacon for others—people who are looking to be better too. It's not a quick fix, but man, is it worth it. You feel that too, right?

10. Flirt with fate!

I used to be one of those guys always on the hunt for "The One," scanning every room for a potential partner. But after the last relationship went up in flames, I flipped the script. I stopped looking and focused on just being the best, most genuine version of myself.

Flirting Without an Agenda

I became a bit of a flirt, sure, but not the kind with an endgame in mind. It was more about sharing a laugh or a smile, brightening someone's day, and yeah, feeling that connection, however fleeting.

• The Charm Offensive: I discovered the power of a compliment. Not the kind with strings attached, but the "I like your smile" kind that makes people glow.
• Effortless Banter: Chatting without the pressure of snagging a date was refreshing. It was just about the moment, about connecting as humans. That's magnetic, right?

Kindness: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Turns out, genuine kindness is pretty irresistible. Who knew? I started doing nice things just because. Holding doors, paying forward coffee, offering a helping hand.

• Good Vibes: This wasn't about keeping score; it was about putting good vibes into the universe. And those vibes? They have a way of coming back to you.
• Unexpected Connections: Being kind led to conversations, which led to friendships, which, sometimes, led to more.

The Perfect Man Comes Along

So, was I just sitting around, waiting for Prince Charming? Nah. But while I was out there living my best life, he sort of just... showed up. It wasn't dramatic or storybook; it felt natural, like he'd always been there.

• Natural Chemistry: We clicked because I wasn't trying to be anyone other than myself. And guess what? He was doing the same thing.
• A Pleasant Surprise: It's a bit like skipping a stone across a pond and watching it unexpectedly take flight — a delightful surprise when you least expect it.

A New Relationship, A New Me

This new relationship? It feels different because it started differently. It wasn't born from neediness or a frantic search; it came from a place of mutual respect and attraction.

• Healthy Foundations: We're building on something real, not a fantasy or an idea of what a relationship should be.
• Mutual Admiration: We both came into this as whole individuals who choose to be together, not two halves trying to make a whole.

In the End

Life's too short to waste time on someone who's shown they don't respect you. The whole experience, as brutal as it was, turned out to be a pivotal chapter in my life. It taught me my worth and reminded me to never settle for less than I deserve. There's a whole world of experiences and people out there waiting for you once you close that door. 

Who knew that taking the pressure off would be like sending out an invisible beacon? By just living my life, being kind, and keeping things light and flirty, I attracted someone amazing. It sounds almost too easy, but sometimes, the best things in life are. Makes you think, doesn't it?